A very sigh-y week

The whole week has been a sighy one. I kept on sighing because of my dizziness. I have to go and get myself checked for possibility of vertigo. I don't know how bad it is but I have been dizzy every day and it is NOT nice to feel dizzy when there are things to do and places to go. So the whole CNY experience has not been too fantastic. I didn't even want to update because I felt dizzy after staring at the computer for some time. Gosh .... even sleeping is a dizzifying experience. Lying on my right makes me totally spinning. I can't even lie down on my back. So I have been sleeping mainly on my left and my left ear is quite sore from being slept on. And my sleep is not very good because I cannot move my body, esp my head. I don't know how I am going to teach next week. I cannot write on the board much as I can't look up or down without getting the spinning sensation. Staring too long at printed words and computer also makes me a little nauseous. Ugh! Work on the field will also be difficult, as setting up the equipment will make me dizzy. So .... people, I will need some understanding okay. And lots of help.

A sick mum is a useless mum

I felt rather useless the few days I was sick. The dizzy spells have more or less gone, but I am still worried that it'll come back. I am still weak mainly because of diarrhoea. The stomach is just not behaving, giving me such trouble. Well, we finally bought our oranges today. That was a quick visit to the supermarket. I also managed to clean up my room, changed all the sheets and vacuumed my floor. All the while still feeling a bit weak. So I am giving myself a pat on the back. And I promise myself this : I am going to give myself a treat when I am able to get away. I will make sure that I have a good time of relaxation and NO ONE will deprive me of that!!!!

Stress-induced sickness

I was all ready to get up and go to school this morning. I turned my body to one side to get something and IT happened. The whole world went spinning. Ok, I thought I would kust wait it out a bit, and hope the spinning would stop. It did slow down, so I got up, prepared breakfast for my son and I started having this urge to puke. Nothing came out but the world started spinning again. Got my son to wake up and all I could do after that was sit down with my head between my hands. It was too much so I lay down on the couch. The spinning got real bad so I thought I'd send and sms to Ms Tanner who is my passenger, so that her mum would drive her. Then sent another to a colleague to ask her to tell the admin that I would probabl be absent. Unfortunately, with the whole planet spinning uncontrolably, I sent the sms to Ms Tanner .... !!! Didn't know it until about after 9am.
Went to a clinic when I could finally get up and gained some confidence to drive. Took my mum along, in case. Doc says that the symptoms all indicate stress. And my blood pressure had shot up. Sigh. Okay, so what could I do? Went home, ate a bit, took my medicine and went to sleep, after making a few important calls. And slept I did, until 3pm. I tried to get up and ..... it started all over again, The spinning .... and then the vomiting. It was terrible. By 4pm I felt better and went down to show my face. Ate a bit of bread since I was starving. Obviously the medicine was taking effect because the spinning had stopped althought I still felt like I had a head made of lead. Managed to get a few things done and finally really got MUCH better. I was just worried about the Cheer clinic and casting. Still don't know how they went.
WELL tomorrow, I WILL go to school. Must finish up some work before I go on the CNY break. Hopefully my students will understand that my body is still weak and I might not do much teaching proper. Still feeling a bit blur. So good night all. Time to sleep, again ... if I can fall asleep after all the snooze I got today.

CNY shopping

I haven't bought ANYTHING!!!!! Nor my clothes, not my sons' clothes, not even oranges!!!! Not cookies, not cakes, not anything. And I certainly HAVEN'T cleaned the house. I need to change the bedsheets, mop and scrub the floors and walls. I need to plan my CNY programmes. I have to go to the market and buy food stuff and groceries to last me the entire week!!! How come I have neglected to do all these???? What kind of a wife / mother am I? I haven't even changed my old notes for new notes. Well, hubby might have .... when I see the notes. I don't even know if I have enough angpow packets!!! Well, I'll just use last year's. Aaaaaargh! I am desperate for a PA! Well, a maid will do, but WHEN IS SHE COMING???? In the meantime, any takers? You can call yourself my PA. Haha!

Movie actors, are we?

So here's the deal. We have been approached to get some girls who will feature in a movie to be filmed end of February. My cheer girls will be involved in a casting session on Thursday and they have to prepare a 30 second hip hop dance and try out dialogues. I know. Time is short and everyone will be busy with the preparations. I do hope that the casting session will be ok. I have invited a few non-cheer girls but were in the squad formerly, to try out as well. And since not many of the girls can do hip hop, I have opened an invitation to The Transformers, specifically one or two girls, to give it a try. They're looking for mature looking girls who can dance. That pretty much rules out any under 15 girls. I am so tired. Been making so many calls to organise things. To all of you who will be at the casting session, break a leg!

Full time everything

Life as a full time mum, full time wife (ever such a thing as part time wife / mother), full time teacher is certainly not easy. Especially being the mother of 3 young boys .... who have bundles of energy, it is very taxing to say the least. And especially being a teacher in this school, I just told someone this : "We work our students to death and we work ourselves to death." I have a feeling I was not far from the truth.
So I am now fully into the Cheer Club. Looks like not that much to do yet but I think the whip is going to come out soon. My vision for the club, as I have briefly told some of them, is to provide a training ground for youngsters to learn how to do simple cheer things. So we will have 2 sections :

• The squad of 16 + 4 for Cheer 2009. They will be heavily involved in training for the competition and little else (unless they have the time).
• The rest of the club members who will provide support to the squad, as well as youngsters who do not make the squad but have the potential to get in next year. Also, the senior girls who have been in the previous squad but are unable to be in it this year can be of help here. They will be the ones who provide training for the newbies - teach them simple things as well as help with choreography for gigs. This group of people can actually go for gigs (such as the one we are about to be involved in!!!) which are short term commitments, unlike Cheer 2009.

The plans I have for now include : making skirts (resizeable) for the 2nd group of girls who might go for short term gigs, designing a much nicer t-shirt (not in WHITE) for the supporters and the 2nd group, getting a nicer design for the cheerleaders for Cheer 2009, fund-raising activities to raise funds for the squad and for club activities, a real cheer clinic for cheerleaders with outsider instructors and we provide a venue for the clinic attended by other schools as well. (Maybe we can be the centre for cheer excellence ... haha) Well, they are just plans now. I still need to discuss with the girls, and see how things go. Oh and a gig. We have a gig! And another movie!!!! To be updated in the very near future.

Physically tired

Today I really felt the tiredness that my body has been screaming out to me. It didn't help that I had a bit of diarrhoea coupled with lots of flatulence. I haven't been eating well, appetite is upside down. And today being Saturday, should have been a day of rest but it was a school day. And I had 2 PJK classes back to back and an English class before that. It has been physically challenging for me. Then I thought I could rest in the afternoon and ... well, the kids made sure I didn't get the rest I so craved for. I did manage a few minutes of nap time but I needed more than that. Then dinner ... I didn't take dinner .... and off we went to Carrefour for grocery shopping. With 3 kids in tow. And 2 elderly ladies. Made it back before 9 and then it was getting the kids to have their milk and to bed. It has been non-stop and I have been screaming at the kids to DO THIS, DON'T DO THAT! That has really taken its toll on me. When hubby came back just now, all he observed was my anger and all the door-slamming. I just couldn't take it anymore, being expected to do everything, be everywhere and be a perfect wife-mother-daughter-teacher. I guess I just need to sleep and be refreshed. I'll be off to bed.

I refuse to be negative

2009 is bringing me many new things. I have different portfolios to hold and I have left some old responsibilities. I will be working more closely with some people while not having to do anything with some. Through all the changes, it is easy to feel negative and pessimistic. It is easy to be resistant to change. But HEY ... didn't someone say that CHANGE IS THE ONLY THING THAT IS CONSTANT? So .... I refuse to be negative, I will be optimistic about the changes that I will experience. I will be positive about the work I will be getting. And I will treat all the new experiences with respect as well as a certain amount of fear.
I have submitted my application for a scholarship to further my studies. I don't know if I will get it. And I don't know if I will gain entry into a Master's programme. But ... well, I have done my part. I leave the rest to God, knowing that He will guide me (or push me) where I should be going. So I look forward to the rest of the year, even with its not-so-pleasant things.

I became a mum 8 years ago

Today is the birthday of my eldest boy, Jonathan. The reason I think today is especially memorable for me is because I became a mother exactly 8 years ago. One thing I never thought about in my younger single days and early marriage days was that I would become a mother. Parenting was NOT my thing. Taking care of another needy human being was not my cup of tea. Learning to take care of a fragile baby was simply not done. Waking up in the middle of the night to calm a crying baby was NOT something I would consider. And yet, that was what I did. I had become a mother, not just in giving birth to him, but in cherishing my role as his main protector and care-giver, as someone who would risk everything to give him the best. Those of you who do not think you can ever be maternal, come talk to me. I assure you, you build up maternal instincts when the time is right.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAREST JONATHAN LOH KAH HOONG!

Relationships

Everything I do, it is about relationship. People work, rather than paper work. The QM group is one I am terribly possessive of. For so many years, I have been pushing and pulling them. To me, the QMs have always been a group that deserved recognition for the hard work and diligence they have shown in their duties. In the 7 years or so that I have been a QM advisor, I have invested my time and energy for them, as a group and individually. Each of them is a gem, some truly unpolished and just waiting to be processed into fine diamonds. When many thought of them as workers ... coolies ... that was far from what I thought of them. That's why I endeavoured to put them on a pedestal, to let others appreciate them the way I do. When people see how close I have been to my QMs, they wonder why. Sometimes I, too, wonder why. But I do know this : I have put my heart and soul into building up this relationship. And this is making it very difficult for me to not be their advisor anymore. Part of me aches the way a mother aches to let her child go. But I know this ... it is time to let go. I am not gone from their lives. Just officially I have to let go. Time for someone else to build a relationship with them. And time for me to move on and build another relationship ... Cheer Club. So people of Cheer Club, be forewarned! I can be quite a smothering mum. If I am getting too suffocating, tell me. It's just that I sometimes work with my heart, not my brain.

I will miss you QMs

My BABY, the QMs will no longer be mine. I have always been protective of the QMs. It took me years to build them up to a level recognised as a major contributor to the school. The last 2 years have been a little more difficult but I still loved them. From this year, I will no longer be their mother. And all I ask of the existing QMs is to embrace the new teacher who will be their mother. Do not feel that I have abandoned you. I have not. I am around and will be available to you.

Updates about school - for Evelyn's sake !!!

Two days have gone by since school reopened. Things have been a little crazy as can be expected every year, at the beginning of the school semester. I am teaching English Forms 2 and 3, and PJK Form 4 (6 classes!). I have met 2A, 2D, 4SE so far.

What has been happening .... the usual really but here goes :

• Someone stepped on the principal's toes when she was confronted about the streaming of Form 4 classes. Apparently someone felt that their daughter was unfairly placed in a particular class and she actually got straight As. HELLO .... 4SA, SB, SC, SD are pretty much equal in most ways. I think there are straight As students in each of the class. Sigh. If only people can stop branding that SA is the top and SB, SC, SD are inferior (which they are NOT).
• Looks like an A in BM is now a major requirement to be in the Pure Science stream. I don't think this is a requirement nationwide. If it is, then it is pure idiocy!
• The Form 1 students are ... too many. We have maxed out our quota of students for Form 1 so the enrolment for each class is exceeding 35. Can those people who live FAR, FAR AWAY please take their daughters away from here?
• Kelab Pelancongan - don't ask. I don't know what it is all about except who the advisors are.
• English Literature - The Eng Lit class will be held on Thursday 2:30 - 4:30, handled by our favourite English teacher!
• The drama / musical production will soon commence with a clinic for acting, I think. The audition will be held soon after. The scheduled date for performances (2 shows) is somewhere in June. Ex-Sri Amanians please come and support!
• The sports department is headed by Pn Norinda and now supported by Ms Foo and Cik Ernie. I am currently still in QM, though this might be my last year.

I guess that's it for now. I hope to work well within the English Panel, especially now that I am out of the Sports Department. I have more time to focus on English ... which happens to be a BIG and heavy resposibility. Read the head of the English Panel's blog and you can visualize it.

Oh btw, I will soon be starting another blog - online English homework blog ... for FORM 3 only. Hahaha! I can hear some people falling to the ground, fainting. Yeah, evil Pn C is BACK!

Schedules

For the benefit of those of you who need to arrange your various times according to your activities, here are the schedules that might be helpful :

Monday
3:10 - 4:30
Week 1 & 3

Kebajikan
Interact
Komputer
Murid Islam
Pencegah Jenayah
Rukunegara

Pelancongan

Tuesday
3:10 - 4:30
Week 1 & 3

Orchestra, Choir & Dratari
Christian & Catholics
YE
Pelaburan Bijak PNB
Pengguna

Thursday
3:10 - 4:30
Week 1 & 3
Badminton (Gr 1)
Bola Baling
Bola Jaring
Tennis (Gr 1)

Thursday
3:10 - 4:30

Week 2 & 4

Badminton (Gr 2)
Hoki
Sofbol
Cheer (??)
Tennis (Gr 2)

Uniform Units : All units meet on Wednesday from 3:10 - 4:30 On weeks 1, 3 and 5)

House practice : Monday Red and Yellow; Tuesday Blue and Green (4:30 - 6:00)

In case some of you are wondering who my co-advisor for Cheerleaders Club is, she is Cik Mashitah. I will no longer be Pen. S/u sukan 1. That duty is now taken over by a new teacher.