Tuesday, November 30, 2010


SPM is here. Has been here over a week. I have been playing "baby-sitter" to 17 year olds while they attempt the questions. It has been tiring being an invigilator. Try doing almost nothing for hours, except walk about, check students' ICs and giving out question and answer booklets. I felt drained by the 2nd day. By the 3rd day, I needed foot reflexology to rid me of the pain in my calves. I am feeling like a useless woman who only knew how to be mean and insist on collecting students' answer scripts regardless of whether they have completed their answers.
Oh well, like it or not, another 2 and a half weeks to go.

Monday, November 15, 2010

God's timing

Many things have happened to me not according to MY timing. More often than not, these not-my-timing incidents have been a major inconvenience to me. But on hindsight, many of them have happened the way God would have wanted them to happen, and somehow, they happened to my benefit ultimately.
I am trusting that all that has been happening to me, the things that have occurred ... are all according to His timing, and ultimately will not disappoint.
My maid has not arrived. She was supposed to have arrived a week ago. But things just have to happen to delay her arrival. Call it divine intervention if you will. Because of Gunung Merapi's eruption, flights in and out of Solo were cancelled. So she has not been able to come. If her original flight had been even 3 days earlier ... she would have arrived. There would not have been flight cancelled on her. BUT as things went, her arrival has been delayed, again. She was supposed to have arrived in September, then early October, then end of October ... you get the picture. Makes me wonder, is she supposed to come? Is she meant to come?
The tiring year has not ended for me. Thought I would have 6 weeks or so to enjoy my freedom, and my kids. Not going to happen. I am going to invigilate. Of all years I am given this duty, it has to be this year, when I most need the holiday. I am tired. I was so hoping to get time to rest, to not worry about work, to spend time with my family, to go somewhere. Why, o why?
I can only trust that everything will work out well, according to His purpose. He has never failed me and I take heart that I can continue to trust, and obey.

Friday, November 5, 2010


Family is an institution, so goes the saying. But family is more than that. It is a relationship between human beings and putting importance to each other's welfare. On my side of the family, well, there isn't much to write about them, mainly because there are complicated matters. That, however, does not mean that my family, my relatives, are not important to me. They are.
Today I had one of the best days ever with my family. It is hard to write much about each of them. Suffice to say that, though we do not meet often, we more than made up for it with the laughter and meaningful chats we had this afternoon, all 6 hours of it. I am most grateful to have had the opportunity to meet up and to renew acquaintance with my cousins and their spouses, as well as their children. It was wonderful when we had so much fun talking and enjoying each other's company. We laughed the loudest when we had games - just playing Taboo and Pictionary. It was so wonderful that we got to bond as a family.
Although it was supposed to be a Diwali gathering, or a family gathering, it was indeed a good time that we had with one another. I appreciate the time and effort put into organising it. Thanks to my cousins, I got to talk to a very special someone for the very first time today. I have known of his existence for 27 years and seen him off and on occasionally. We have never spoken although we have been in the same place here and there. Blame it on sins of the previous generation. But I had longed to make peace ... not that there was war between us. I had longed to speak with him and get to know him, and let him get to know me. I had longed to have that sense of "family" with him. But it had never happened all these years. But it happened today. Although we did not have a long conversation, I spoke to him, and we had a short chat. I introduced him to my husband, my children. I could only feel that sense of "how I wish things were different" ... but this is good enough. A wonderful start. I hope he will continue to keep in touch. I hope he will not just keep to himself and not communicate. I am, afterall, his family, and he is my family.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The last six months

Being maidless for the last six months has played havoc in my life. A lot of things I used to take for granted became mysteries to me. All those personal times or ME times no longer existed. Most of my waking hours were either spent in school or attending to the children at home. By the time everyone went to sleep, I was too tired to achieve much. Forget marking books, forget looking after my own well-being, forget being a patient wife and mother. The house? It has not had a good mopping. We clean it as well as we can but .... nothing like having someone actually cleaning the house on a regular basis. As for the laundry ... everything went into the machine, well, almost everything. Clothes tore and the quality of cleaning is low. My temper has flared numerous times just because I wasn't able to juggle everyone's needs and having my own needs unfulfilled. It has been tough.
On the bright side, I see my children a lot more. I spend a bit more time with them. We talk, we play, we laugh. This has been good, especially for Joel, who seems to have started speaking a lot more. I take my children out a lot more. We go grocery shopping together. We go for meals outside together.
Well, my new maid, actually former maid, is supposed to come in the next few days. I am grateful that I will have an extra pair of hands and feet. I so desperately need some ME time, an opportunity to rest and relax and not have to bother about housework or even the children's needs. For a few days, I just want to be able to get back some sanity. I need to catch up with some work, and some other things that do matter. And yet I thank God for helping me through the last 6 months or so.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Big but not big enough

I know someone who is big. Physically big. Unfortunately that is where the "bigness" ends. Someone who does not understand how to separate the private life and the professional life. Someone who thinks so highly of the self that other people and their lives don't enter the equation at all. This person only knows how to say and do things to benefit the self but not considering how others might feel about those things. Most importantly, it shows how shallow this person is, how immature and how it is not pleasurable to have a friendship with this person. And I find this sad because I do not like to lose a friend, especially someone whom I didn't have a chance to even really call a friend yet.
Hey! I am sorry you do not think I could be a friend. Your loss.

Monday, November 1, 2010

World Hunger Relief 2010 at Putrajaya

It has been 2 days, and I am only blogging about this because it has been a busy weekend. What happened over the whole few days leading to the weekend pretty much gave me grey hair or else caused me to lose more hair. It has not been a very good period as it was a frustrating time.
So the event above was held on 30th October, a Saturday. D*starz was invited to perform and some other students were asked to help in the traditional games booths. The whole event ... well, lots of things went wrong before they went right.
The girls were supposed to perform around 3:30 -4:00. Any time then. But it rained at about 2:40. It poured and there were strong winds. That was a cause for concern. But eventually it tapered down into a drizzle after about half an hour. But it continued to drizzle for a while. The ground was wet and unsuitable for the performance.
Eventually it stopped raining and the girls performed on the slightly wet ground. It was a little worrying but everything went quite well. Notwithstanding the fact that one of the regulars could not turn up on time and thankfully, we had Mag to stand in and help. I am thankful for her, esp since she was not well.
The girls manning the games booths were a little shy and apprehensive initially. But after a while they warmed up to the games and the sporting public also caused them to enjoy the games a lot more.
The programme overall is a good one. But the lack of publicity is obvious because not many people outside Putrajaya knew about it. I am glad to be part of the event though not in the way I would have liked to be. Still it was a good event to bring the girls to.

The above was the safe, official opinion and write-up. What is unofficial and no holds barred is what follows. It is not the event itself but the whole preparation towards the event for me, and for the girls.

Though we were informed and invited way before the event, there was not a lot we could do as it was the exam season. It was tough getting the girls to agree, and getting their parents to agree to let them practise during the week before exams. ELeventh hour pulling out was expected. And it happened. Problems were anticipated, and that, too, happened.

On the side of the organisers, I honestly think they could have done a better job. Everything was so ad hoc, and disorganised. There was no Plan B if some things went wrong, like rain. The layout of the different booths could have been improved. That they wanted the girls to wear tights / leggings could have been decided earlier and told to us earlier. The time change could have been decided earlier too. So many things happened to actually make it less than a well-managed event.

Our girls - now that is a story on its own. One girl pulled out a week before. A replacement was found but not confirmed until 3 days before the event. Another girl pushed her luck too far and I told her to just shove it and stay home instead of attending the event. She was displaying such selfish and self-centred traits that I felt like hurling all sorts of things at her. Then the girls who were supposed to go for the event for the games booths ... most of them pulled out the last minute. I was so angry with them that I just wanted nothing to do with them ever again. It was irresponsible and totally ungrateful of them when they though that they did not want to go. Too much work. Too much time spent on it. They would rather go for parties or go out with friends. Selfish.

Though everything went on quite well in the end, it was, to me, a disappointing period. I was disappointed and disillusioned by the girls. I was hurt that some people could only think of themselves and have little regard for others. The hopes and promises I thought I saw, all broke into smithereens.

So I am now thinking, how do I motivate the girls to have the passion for what they do? I know most of them are only 14-15 years old. But I can see that they do not have the same kind of passion and desire to excel as much as those who have had to work very hard in the past, to be recognised. Maybe we should make life difficult for them so that they have to strive, work for their everything. But can they survive that? I don't know.