Saturday, December 31, 2011

Jitters and Shivers

Less than 7 hours to go. 2012 will arrive in a little over 6 hours. I am afraid. I am feeling more than jitters. The fear of what will come is almost overwhelming me. I honestly don't know how I am going to face 2012 other than by HIS strength. After the staff meeting, I am told my duty in 2012 will be heavy duty. I am really afraid that I cannot handle the work. I don't know if I can manage. I hope I can and will .... Help me, LORD!

Thursday, December 29, 2011


Just because I usually play computer games, it doesn't mean that when I switch on the computer, it is to PLAY! I do LOTS of serious things on the computer. Please respect that.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The countdown begins

In less than 4 days really, the year 2012 will be upon us. As usual, I am not one for resolutions much. I just aspire to be better. No specifics. No point having those specifics when I know I will eventually disregard them.
2012 is going to be another challenging year. Many changes in my life are in the works. I am not sure I am prepared for all the changes. All I know is that, ready or not, I will come to the bridge and I will have to cross it.
In the work front, I have lost the best ever panel head to work for and work with. We were not just colleagues, but we were genuinely friends, partners in crime and also a sister to the other, the sister neither of us ever had. Much as I mourn losing her in the workplace, she is not lost to me as we are still friends and will continue to be buddies. But it will be tough working without her.
In a sense, because she has left, a domino effect will be seen in the workplace. I will walk in her shoes sometimes. Big shoes those. I have more responsibilities in any area that she used to work in. And people assume that, because I am with her often, I know what she does / has done, and therefore, can just fill in the blanks ... the void she has left. I already know some of the things I will end up doing. Not happy but .... work is work. And I will treat it as such - work.
In the home front - Joel is going to school soon. He will join his brothers in primary school. I am worried and nervous for him. I don't know if he will manage. I hope he does. I hope he will not be overly affected by the difference between kindy and primary school.
On top of that, another big change seems to be in the offing. Not sure if it will work out. If it does, I will have extra headaches. One person's decision and change affects the rest of us. I'm just waiting to see how things work out. Taking it one day at a time. If I think too much, I may go crazy with worry.
Am I looking forward to 2012? I am not sure. Perhaps I am. But like everything in life, it is the fear of the unknown that seems to spoil it for me.
So I will walk with my head up high tomorrow when I attend the first staff meeting. I will do my very best because I know it's what I'm supposed to do. But I will have to prepare. Prepare for the possibilities in the future. Bring it on, 2012!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

This is what she will do

I will not make this into a "remember her" thing as if I will never see her again.
Instead, I want to think of all the good she will bring to her new place.
She will bring a dynamism that they will need. They will soon realise how work can be more than just work when you do something with passion and love. They will see how she exudes dynamics among people and especially the students she will come into contact with.
She will bring a work culture that puts many to shame. Although she keeps saying she wants to stay under the radar, she will not be able to do so. She is a salt and light of the earth although she either doesn't know it or denies it. She will be a beacon of light to those students and she will bring them to greater heights.
She will have a close relationship with people around her, she will make people laugh with her and cry with her. She will cause others to look at themselves and ask if they have done the best they could. She will ask people to think about things outside of their comfort zone, think out of the box, think and weigh the issues and make wise choices.
She will care for the new students she will teach, she will ask them to lay bare their souls as they explore many things together. In the process, she will also open up herself to them.
She will do the best she can to convince those she teaches that they are better than they can ever imagine. She will allow them to go much farther than anyone has ever ventured. She will keep a close eye on them in the meantime.
She will prove that a teacher makes a difference in whatever she is thrown in. She will bring up the group she will be associated with. She will encourage them to grow and to always improve.
All these and more, she will do. And for that, I wish her all the best and I envy those whose lives she will touch. Thanks for doing all those and more in the 7 years you have been here. Yes, it is time for you to touch more lives. Continue to be the salt and light that many need. Just remember us once in a while, and make time to meet up. I am honoured to have been and always will be your friend.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Just being sad, and I know I am allowed to be sad

My dearest friend ... I might be or not be the closest friend to you. But you know, the effect you have in my life is not something I can just sum up in a sentence or even a short essay. I am not even going to try. When you came in mid 2004, who knew we would strike up a friendship like ours? We will still be friends. But knowing that I will go to work every day and not see you next to me, turning around to look for you and you're not there, trying to figure out something and you're not there to discuss or even argue with me ... is more than I can bear at this moment. We are so different and yet so alike. We are so alike and yet so different.
The few years of just being colleagues and friends were wonderful ones. And the last few years of working with you as my "boss" have been wonderful years. I have enjoyed doing my work because you were there to guide me. Somehow you brought out the best in me. It's a strange phenomenon. I hope I have been there for you in some ways too.
We were like a pair of Siamese twins which are NOT conjoined. I shall remember how our colleagues used to call me by your name and you by my name. It was funny and yet it was a sign. LOL.
Yes I am sad. I am allowed to be sad. I will miss being your sidekick. I will miss the sister I never had.
But I also know the friendship we have formed is not so easily broken. I know you will still be my wonderful friend. And I know that where you will be, you will also do a great job and you will be a blessing to those you teach and work with. In that manner, I am happy for you. But I am sad for me. For those of us who have been happily working under you and with you. Allow us to feel the sadness because of the void you will leave.
My friend, it just won't be the same.

Monday, December 5, 2011

It is over

My Lit in English girls have sat for their SPM paper for the subject. It is over. Now, I wait and see what results they have. And whether I have done a sufficient job with them. Just as they were nervous, I was too. I was worried that I had not done enough for them, that I had not guided them in the right direction. I was thinking to myself over the weekend that if they don't do well, I might not want to teach Lit anymore. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. But I know my girls are good students. They will do quite well, most of them.