It is tough when one keeps having a mixture of emotions within a short period of time. It was a real rojak and it was tough because I got so mixed up, so confused over what I was feeling at any one time.
Firstly I was having such an anxiety over Pn A leaving us. I lost appetite, and I couldn't sleep well. I kept worrying over what would happen after she left. And I was really devastated that she would not be coming back and I would not get to say hello to her and report to her how D*starz is doing, etc. It seems irrational, but there, I felt all those emotions and was really down.
Then I was feeling anxiety about D*starz because we are in the process of "restructuring" the team. I am worried because the seniors are leaving, and some Form 4s are not going to be with us anymore. Some Form 2s also. How can I not worry and get anxious over this? I don't see next year's team in my mind's eye. And this is NOT good. So I have been worrying myself sick over this.
Next is the temptation mentioned yesterday. Being in that position is confusing. I couldn't think straight and was wondering what I was getting myself into. On one hand I was almost enjoying it because I didn't know better. But on the other hand, I knew it was trouble with a capital T. And I am thankful that the matter is sorting itself out, that sanity and sensibility prevail. A little related to it is the fact that some people were almost encouraging things although it was not their intention to. So I got all confused and everything bothered me to no end. But I have been praying so hard that I would be wise in what I do and so far, I think I am okay.
Then I have this person at home who keeps making me angry with all that she says. Her temperament certainly makes life very difficult for me, and for whoever is in my house. Almost every day, there is something that makes her fly off the handle and go on an emotional rampage. In the process, she makes me angry enough to be unkind in my words and actions to her. After which I feel a sense of extreme guilt.
Yes, a tirade of emotions that have managed to turn me into an almost emotional wreck. I don't want to give in so easily to all that I feel, but .... I am very emotional. Even when I don't believe it myself.