Monday, October 18, 2010

Insecurity

I am realising more and more how insecure I can be. To many, I look like a confident woman, someone who knows my mind and can thus make decisions without much of a problem. I guess the nature of my job makes me look confident, and it makes me feel like I am important sometimes. But underneath it all, I realise I have a lot of insecurities. I have lots of things from the past that still affect me. Most of those things are not my doing. Most of the things are just things that happened.
Talking to my buddy today, she shook me up when she asked me a question. Why am I going back to the past? Why do I want to dig back the things from the past? Answer : I have a lot of issues related to the past that have not seen closure. I did not tell her that. But I will.
I have had too many things happening to me in the past that make me who I am - a seemingly confident woman who is secure in who she is, but in actual fact, I am a woman with a lot of fear and insecurities. I have managed to overcome most of them. But not all. And I have swept a lot of those under the carpet in order to survive. But the issues have not disappeared and they affect me in ways I cannot explain. I thought I could bury some of the things, but apparently not.
I am thankful that I have people who look out for me. Keep looking out for me. I have so much that I have not worked out and don't know how to. And these things are making me do things I normally wouldn't do. I hope I can overcome the ghosts of the past, and let myself heal properly.

1 comment:

Girl with too many thoughts said...

i have da same case too...ppl think m confident...bt m not..m breaking up frm inside!i sympathize u