Monday, February 28, 2011

My self evaluation

I have been pondering over what I have been doing and how I have handled myself over the drama period, and also longer. I have been trying to put into words the things I feel and the impressions I have. It is a struggle even now, to actually put them into words. I have been busy and just cannot find the time to think of appropriate words. I have also been unfocused on the task at hand, hence the struggle. Anyhow, I shall attempt ....
I think that over the 6-7 weeks preceding SHORTS!, I have been focused on too many things and was unable to actually do a good job monitoring the girls. I was everywhere doing multiple tasks. I was trying to do too many things and I was not able to delegate. I was afraid to get my girls to do some things because I did not trust them, or it was something I had to do myself. In addition, I was also a little slow at monitoring certain things which should have been monitored earlier.
Take for example, the scripts : I should have made all the necessary changes earlier, overruled the girls if necessary. I should have read through all the scripts WITH the girls and made all the changes with allowance for improvisation way beforehand. Instead we saw many things we could not do only during the final week and it was a struggle for the girls to change their lines and reorganise themselves. I mean, I did look and I did ask for changes to be made. In fact Naukar's script was changed several times. Perhaps I should have made those changes myself, and that would have saved us a lot of time. BUT THEN, I thought, this was THEIR production. I could ask for changes to be made and all, but THEY had to make those changes themselves. And so I took a back seat for a while, where the scripts were concerned. But I should have intervened earlier. I realise that now.
The designs of graphics for tickets and posters and banners : I should have got that settled earlier. Work started very early. Thanks to Anna and Hayani actually. But the designs were not to my satisfaction and they had to rework on that. And we finally got the designs out only end of January. That was unnecessary stress for me and for the both of them. Perhaps we should have had more "meetings" to finalise the designs. I am not an artsy kind of person and I could not tell them what I wanted. But we could have done this earlier.
Practices : I was extremely upset with the girls' attitude towards practices. Many of them only turned up about 70% or less. That's before the week of intensive practices. I was disappointed but I thought I could let the director and her assistant handle that. I realise now I could not. If I had intervened, perhaps practices would have been better. Perhaps. But I know for sure I would not have been so worried 3 days before performance.
Basically what I have learned is just this : I took a slightly laid-back attitude when handling the girls. That was a major shortcoming. I usually am a control freak. But this time, I did not try to control, and paid the price with so much worrying going on, and lots of tasks to do that took me away from the practices. I did not have as much time to watch them practising, and I did not have much time to enjoy the performances as I was still multi-tasking. I should have asked for help, earlier. I did not, not wanting to trouble some friends. But I should have known better. These friends would not have minded. They would have lent their helping hands and allowed me to pick their brains as well.
Yes, I have lots of shortcomings. I will not be ashamed to admit it. I will learn from it and I will do a better job next time, if there is a next time.
On a high note, I am glad I have such wonderful friends. THANKS A BILLION KAZILLION, SIB & PUT! They have helped with so many things. They enabled the production to succeed. These friends are not just my buddies, they are my extra hands, extra feet, extra eyes and ears, extra brains. I am eternally grateful for them. I also wish to thank Sara, my "temporary PA" for availing herself to me, to the project. She kept me sane for a bit and accompanied me here and there.
In short, I am not satisfied with what I have done. I could have done a lot better. I also function better backstage, and in the background, not so much on the stage, or directing. But I can learn. I have got good teachers.

1 comment:

zainalmy said...

wah, this is like the reflection section of your record book except a longer one that is.