Sunday, August 22, 2010

My life is no longer my own indeed

When I first started this blog, I wrote "my life is no longer my own" as the title of my blog. How true it is turning out to be. My life seems to be divided into many portions.
One big portion is for my family, specifically my children. Being a mother to three boys is rather tiring. Don't get me wrong, the boys are relatively compliant. They do not cause too much trouble, generally. But they are an energetic bunch and catching up with them is tiring. Trying to fulfill their needs and being there for them in all they do is indeed challenging. When they were younger, they were needy. Physically they needed me almost all the time. As they grow up, they are needy in different ways. Much as I push them to their father, they still stick to me a lot, especially the youngest.
Another big portion of me goes to work. Of course at work, I am divided into several sub-portions. On occasions I have felt as if I needed to be cut into many pieces so that I can do all that is expected of me. Sometimes I feel as if I have sold my soul to the school - to the school admin, the ministry of education, and of course, the students.
Other portions include church and cell group, as well as other interests, though not much of my time is spent on those other things. It is sad. I should spend more time for the spiritual and emotional aspects of my life, and yet I don't have time for that. Physically I feel drained too as I do feel myself getting older and I am not as energetic as I used to be.
My temperament too has changed somewhat. I used to be a lot more patient with my children, and with SOME people. These days I find myself raising my voice a lot, and it is rather disconcerting because I don't like what I am turning into.
What is my point? Nothing in particular, really. I am just examining myself. I am just trying to put my life into perspective for myself to see. Perhaps I can still do something and regain my self. I need to get ME back.


Amy Lim Su Yen said...

Chill Pn. Chris! :-) Be happy~~

Chris said...

Thanks, Amy. I will try very hard to be happy. ;-)