Never before has so much of this world been affected by anything at all, since WW2 I guess. Even 911 did not affect the world as much. This seemingly harmless (initially) virus has caused such a breakdown in a lot of things. People are dying. People are losing their source of income. Some will have lost their jobs by now. The economy is going topsy-turvy.
From China, to Italy, Iran, South Korea, now the rest of the world. And here in Malaysia? Yes, we are not spared.
We, Malaysians, have been on Movement Control Order (MCO) since 18th March 2020. This is actually Day 6. It's not a lockdown. Just controlled movement. But it has inconvenienced the whole country. Businesses are losing lots of money. Some sectors are just going to crash, and I don't know if there is a possibility of recovery in the next 2 years. It's crazy.
So school is also on "lockdown" till 31st march. Not sure if we will be back in school on 1st April. Things seem glum. As a teacher, I have been keeping in touch with my students. I have been sending them notes and exercises. But I am worried. We were not ready for such an event too interrupt our school session. The haze that we had the last 3 years were bad enough, closing schools for a few days. This is another ballgame altogether.
My hope and prayer is that we will recover from this soon, that the virus will die down and we recover in terms of health and economy. Although things do not look too promising now, I am cautiously optimistic. And I shall hope and pray.
https://www.thestar.com.my/news/nation/2020/03/23/covid-19-death-toll-rises-to-14-213-new-cases-recorded
Well, world. We shall see how things go. I will be back.
Monday, March 23, 2020
Friday, January 3, 2020
2020 - a new year
Been almost 5 years since I blogged. So many things have happened since then. Just some photos here for a start,
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Starting to change them
In SA, I used to use technology a lot with the students. We often went to the computer lab and do things. We used the email, we used blogs. We used to just have the students type things and straight away email to me. We used to have them research there and then and prepare a writing assignment. Now in USJ12, they hardly do that. Not encouraged to use the computer lab, no computers in classrooms, got TV but no connections ... it is basically back to books and board. But no, I do not accept that. So I am changing them. The students, I mean. It's going to be a long road but I am starting to get them to email me, to have class blogs and all. It's on the way. It won't be an easy route. But we'll get there.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
I surprised them, and myself
I find it extremely funny that I have been surprising the colleagues here. Though I am an experienced teacher, they didn't think that I was going to be a very able teacher. Or perhaps they just haven't encountered many teachers like me. And there ARE many, eh, Sib?
So, I think the fact that I just took over the choral speaking team from the get go, was a real surprise to them. No one thought I was going to do that, not the students, not the teachers. And certainly not the admin. Instead of assisting the teacher in charge, I ended up being THE teacher in charge (although on paper I was not). I did the script and I trained the students. In a way, I also surprised myself because I had not planned to do that. But when I agreed to help, well, those who know me just know that I would end up doing more than was expected of me. In a way I learned that I simply CANNOT be put in charge of anything really as I will BE IN CHARGE! Oh boy!
Then when I mentioned to my colleague that I did the exam paper within 2-3 days, again someone was surprised. I mean, that is how I operate. I have to quickly finish it when I have the time, and mood. ;-) And I just cannot be bothered to look through countless workbooks and reference books for suitable material. Instead, I do my own. Yes, mostly original and authentic material. I have been doing this ever since I started teaching. No biggie. But this is not what most teachers do, I guess.
So, I am in charge of another choral speaking team ... I think I am going to end up being in charge of choral speaking for a long time, here. So I wrote the script within 2 days. My colleagues were very surprised. One commented I should write books for publishing. I showed her one of my workbooks, published in 2001, I think. She was VERY surprised. Hmm ... Maybe I should have kept very quiet. There goes my plan to stay under the radar. Nope, not going to happen.
So .... where am I going with this? I guess, I am not that much of an average teacher afterall. I have done things many have not thought to do.
Looking back, I realise I have done a lot! Oh yes, I am surprised too.
So, I think the fact that I just took over the choral speaking team from the get go, was a real surprise to them. No one thought I was going to do that, not the students, not the teachers. And certainly not the admin. Instead of assisting the teacher in charge, I ended up being THE teacher in charge (although on paper I was not). I did the script and I trained the students. In a way, I also surprised myself because I had not planned to do that. But when I agreed to help, well, those who know me just know that I would end up doing more than was expected of me. In a way I learned that I simply CANNOT be put in charge of anything really as I will BE IN CHARGE! Oh boy!
Then when I mentioned to my colleague that I did the exam paper within 2-3 days, again someone was surprised. I mean, that is how I operate. I have to quickly finish it when I have the time, and mood. ;-) And I just cannot be bothered to look through countless workbooks and reference books for suitable material. Instead, I do my own. Yes, mostly original and authentic material. I have been doing this ever since I started teaching. No biggie. But this is not what most teachers do, I guess.
So, I am in charge of another choral speaking team ... I think I am going to end up being in charge of choral speaking for a long time, here. So I wrote the script within 2 days. My colleagues were very surprised. One commented I should write books for publishing. I showed her one of my workbooks, published in 2001, I think. She was VERY surprised. Hmm ... Maybe I should have kept very quiet. There goes my plan to stay under the radar. Nope, not going to happen.
So .... where am I going with this? I guess, I am not that much of an average teacher afterall. I have done things many have not thought to do.
Looking back, I realise I have done a lot! Oh yes, I am surprised too.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Almost mid way
It's now middle of May. I'm almost mid-way through the school year in this new environment. I am adjusting. Not that easy but not that difficult either.
I enjoy the students most of the time. It's been a while since I had boys in my classes. So it's one of the more challenging things. The noise level is so much higher. The mischief is also greater. But on the whole, it's not that bad.
I still do not particularly care for my colleagues. I have no close friend here. I do not feel like any of them wants to be my friend. And I don't feel like I want to be their friend either. It's a terrible thing, isn't it? 5 months and I still feel this way. I guess most people are just too busy working to actually bother about bonding.
In a way it is an advantage. I don't spend as much time yakking, and doing other things. I concentrate on work more. However, I miss the camaraderie of an English panel that works together and are ... FRIENDS. I miss that. Really.
I also feel like I am being watched. By the powers that be. By those who might have to work more closely with me in future. I don't know. It's a strange feeling. I don't know what to expect. But I have this feeling I am not going to be in the afternoon much longer. A lot of pointers to the possibility of going to the morning session. My current KP is going to retire in Jan. So there is a spot to fill in the morning. My involvement with the choral speaking team which consisted of all morning students. It's like a tester for me. Anyway, Jon is going to the morning session next year. So it's ok. But I'll miss Jeremy again.
Am I going to stay on to teach for long? I still don't know. I think probably at least another 2 years? Or maybe, as I have always said of myself, just stay on .... and before long I'll be ready to retire.
I enjoy the students most of the time. It's been a while since I had boys in my classes. So it's one of the more challenging things. The noise level is so much higher. The mischief is also greater. But on the whole, it's not that bad.
I still do not particularly care for my colleagues. I have no close friend here. I do not feel like any of them wants to be my friend. And I don't feel like I want to be their friend either. It's a terrible thing, isn't it? 5 months and I still feel this way. I guess most people are just too busy working to actually bother about bonding.
In a way it is an advantage. I don't spend as much time yakking, and doing other things. I concentrate on work more. However, I miss the camaraderie of an English panel that works together and are ... FRIENDS. I miss that. Really.
I also feel like I am being watched. By the powers that be. By those who might have to work more closely with me in future. I don't know. It's a strange feeling. I don't know what to expect. But I have this feeling I am not going to be in the afternoon much longer. A lot of pointers to the possibility of going to the morning session. My current KP is going to retire in Jan. So there is a spot to fill in the morning. My involvement with the choral speaking team which consisted of all morning students. It's like a tester for me. Anyway, Jon is going to the morning session next year. So it's ok. But I'll miss Jeremy again.
Am I going to stay on to teach for long? I still don't know. I think probably at least another 2 years? Or maybe, as I have always said of myself, just stay on .... and before long I'll be ready to retire.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Change for the better?
Most people resist change. Me included. But I have always known that change also means growth in some ways. And that, is good for me.
I have to constantly remind myself that I am no longer in SA. That things are not the same. That the people are not the same. That I have to CHANGE. It is easier said than done, of course. But I am determined to let God change me in this new environment. I will have to learn and unlearn and relearn quite a lot of things. Yes, sometimes that is scary. At times I have felt inadequate to deal with the things that have changed in the last 2.5 years in the school scene. But I will slowly get there. I just need a bit of reorganising of things.
I do hope, if I am to stay on for longer than the one or two years, that I will, indeed grow as a person and as an educator. I pray that I do not turn into some of those "old timers" who are unwilling to embrace new things and drag their feet when asked to move .... I hope I am still as adventurous and open to new things and new ways of doing things.
Friday, January 30, 2015
New school, new things to learn
The third week is officially over. I have been in this new school for 3 weeks. I have survived in a new environment. Big deal, some might say. Well, it's a big deal to me. Mainly because it is hard to go back to work and in a new place, after 2.5 years. Change is always hard, as I have mentioned in one or more of my previous posts. And yet, I experience a change at this time in my life.
What have I learned so far?
1. After being in SA for almost 16 years, I have almost seen it all in terms of paper work and online work. So being here is .... nothing I can't handle, as long as the admins all keep me updated on what I need to do and give me a deadline.
2. My English panel in SA is an entity hard to replace. Especially the head. The current place is and feels disjointed. There is the 2 session school disease where it's morning vs afternoon session. So things don't feel like one unit. The head is ready to retire. She's probably scouting for a replacement. Not me, thankfully.
3. People will complain. Some people are such complainers. I mean everyone complains at one time or another, but some much more than others. And being in SA, I have been tuned to work at a much faster pace than most have experienced. And right now, this pace here, considered very fast by some, is okay with me. Never thought I'd say that, EVER!
4. Students come in such diverse backgrounds. In SA we almost lived in a bubble. Students were generally (not all) from the middle class and higher. They were a lot of English speaking people and hence, teaching English to them was generally easier. The challenge was to up our skills so that we could teach higher skills. Over here, students are not streamed according to their abilities. And in one class you can find a student who writes beautifully, and another who could barely write a grammatical sentence. The dilemma for the teacher would be .... how fast can I go?
5. Teaching boys is a lot more fun. Yes, it is true. With girls it is a different set of fun. And we girls understand one another. But the boys ... now they are a different thing altogether. I have had a boy saying "Teacher, you're so beautiful" twice. And he's only 12 going 13. I have boys who are so in need of attention that they would do anything just so that I call out to their names.
These are just some that I can put into writing now. But what I can say is this : I can and will survive. I can and will love my students. I can and will work WITH my colleagues. Question is whether they are ready for me. LOL. Now THAT is another story for another time.
What have I learned so far?
1. After being in SA for almost 16 years, I have almost seen it all in terms of paper work and online work. So being here is .... nothing I can't handle, as long as the admins all keep me updated on what I need to do and give me a deadline.
2. My English panel in SA is an entity hard to replace. Especially the head. The current place is and feels disjointed. There is the 2 session school disease where it's morning vs afternoon session. So things don't feel like one unit. The head is ready to retire. She's probably scouting for a replacement. Not me, thankfully.
3. People will complain. Some people are such complainers. I mean everyone complains at one time or another, but some much more than others. And being in SA, I have been tuned to work at a much faster pace than most have experienced. And right now, this pace here, considered very fast by some, is okay with me. Never thought I'd say that, EVER!
4. Students come in such diverse backgrounds. In SA we almost lived in a bubble. Students were generally (not all) from the middle class and higher. They were a lot of English speaking people and hence, teaching English to them was generally easier. The challenge was to up our skills so that we could teach higher skills. Over here, students are not streamed according to their abilities. And in one class you can find a student who writes beautifully, and another who could barely write a grammatical sentence. The dilemma for the teacher would be .... how fast can I go?
5. Teaching boys is a lot more fun. Yes, it is true. With girls it is a different set of fun. And we girls understand one another. But the boys ... now they are a different thing altogether. I have had a boy saying "Teacher, you're so beautiful" twice. And he's only 12 going 13. I have boys who are so in need of attention that they would do anything just so that I call out to their names.
These are just some that I can put into writing now. But what I can say is this : I can and will survive. I can and will love my students. I can and will work WITH my colleagues. Question is whether they are ready for me. LOL. Now THAT is another story for another time.
Monday, January 12, 2015
2015 brings me back to school
It's been almost a year since I came here and updated. There have been so many things that occurred in the last one year.
As a family we have moved back to Malaysia for good. We were blessed to have been granted a way to come back. Hubby got a job before leaving Shanghai. We came back in June. Hubby came back a little earlier to prepare for his new job, which now takes him away from us more than when he was in Shanghai. The rest of us came back a little later so that the children could finish the school year and so that we could organise our stuff to bring back or ship back.
Before we came back to Shanghai, we were hit by a family emergency. MIL suffered a massive stroke and did not look good. Hubby flew off to Sydney to be with her and then we followed suit. We were so worried that she would leave and we would not have the chance to see her. We wanted very much to be there, to be with the whole family and to support in whatever way we could, Through much prayer and medical care, she regained consciousness. But through the experience we saw how she had degenerated especially mentally. She now no longer recognises anyone. Dementia is very real. She still depends on a feeding tube to sustain her. We are all very affected by all these. Nevertheless we still pray for her that she will regain some mental faculties, and that she will be able to stand unaided. We also worry for FIL as he has withdrawn into a more reclusive person. Very sad, really. I hope we can visit them again one of these days. They are not young anymore, and we really don't know how many more times we will be able to see them face to face.
Back here, the boys started attending school in August (Jon and Jeremy) and September (Joel). I came back to Malaysia to an education system that did not appeal to me. But I reported for work anyway, and was duly given a school to go to. I went there and extended my unpaid leave, to the chagrin of the principal. The challenge was to find a school for Joel as he had practically no BM and he needed a school which allowed him more space and opportunity to learn at his own pace. And so, we prayed and found a school which seems to cater to his needs. He's happy there.
I extended my leave until 31 December 2014. And so, with 2015, comes WORK. Work outside the home. Work that takes me away from my family. Work that makes me think and do more.
On the one hand, I really have learned to enjoy being a stay home mum. I have enjoyed more time with the children and seeing to their needs. But on the other hand I have also become easily satisfied with what I was doing and perhaps have become just a little too comfortable. If I have learned one thing in the last few years, it is that God will not let me be too comfortable in one place for long, and He will challenge me to do something else, or go somewhere else. So I look upon this as a change that God has planned for me. Though it is not much different from what I used to do, I see it as a call to change direction.
So I have attended my first day of work. I was worried, apprehensive. Possibly about my teaching ability or lack of, perhaps about whether I would still enjoy teaching. Well, after the first day, I can say that I enjoy teaching young people. I still have what it takes, though I will need to change my methods and approaches. And I will trust God to direct my ways so that I do not fall into the trap of trusting too much in myself.
As for this blog? I will probably give it a resuscitation and see that I come back more often than I have done in the last 2 years.
As a family we have moved back to Malaysia for good. We were blessed to have been granted a way to come back. Hubby got a job before leaving Shanghai. We came back in June. Hubby came back a little earlier to prepare for his new job, which now takes him away from us more than when he was in Shanghai. The rest of us came back a little later so that the children could finish the school year and so that we could organise our stuff to bring back or ship back.
Before we came back to Shanghai, we were hit by a family emergency. MIL suffered a massive stroke and did not look good. Hubby flew off to Sydney to be with her and then we followed suit. We were so worried that she would leave and we would not have the chance to see her. We wanted very much to be there, to be with the whole family and to support in whatever way we could, Through much prayer and medical care, she regained consciousness. But through the experience we saw how she had degenerated especially mentally. She now no longer recognises anyone. Dementia is very real. She still depends on a feeding tube to sustain her. We are all very affected by all these. Nevertheless we still pray for her that she will regain some mental faculties, and that she will be able to stand unaided. We also worry for FIL as he has withdrawn into a more reclusive person. Very sad, really. I hope we can visit them again one of these days. They are not young anymore, and we really don't know how many more times we will be able to see them face to face.
Back here, the boys started attending school in August (Jon and Jeremy) and September (Joel). I came back to Malaysia to an education system that did not appeal to me. But I reported for work anyway, and was duly given a school to go to. I went there and extended my unpaid leave, to the chagrin of the principal. The challenge was to find a school for Joel as he had practically no BM and he needed a school which allowed him more space and opportunity to learn at his own pace. And so, we prayed and found a school which seems to cater to his needs. He's happy there.
I extended my leave until 31 December 2014. And so, with 2015, comes WORK. Work outside the home. Work that takes me away from my family. Work that makes me think and do more.
On the one hand, I really have learned to enjoy being a stay home mum. I have enjoyed more time with the children and seeing to their needs. But on the other hand I have also become easily satisfied with what I was doing and perhaps have become just a little too comfortable. If I have learned one thing in the last few years, it is that God will not let me be too comfortable in one place for long, and He will challenge me to do something else, or go somewhere else. So I look upon this as a change that God has planned for me. Though it is not much different from what I used to do, I see it as a call to change direction.
So I have attended my first day of work. I was worried, apprehensive. Possibly about my teaching ability or lack of, perhaps about whether I would still enjoy teaching. Well, after the first day, I can say that I enjoy teaching young people. I still have what it takes, though I will need to change my methods and approaches. And I will trust God to direct my ways so that I do not fall into the trap of trusting too much in myself.
As for this blog? I will probably give it a resuscitation and see that I come back more often than I have done in the last 2 years.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Uncertainties
Life is so full of uncertainties, more so if you live the life of an expatriate family. Every 2 or 3 years, depending on the contract of working in a foreign land, you will end up at a place whereby you just have to wait, and see what happens. Any of these can happen :
1. an extension of the contract (which means, you stay for another ?? years)
2. get repatriated back to home country (which means you leave for home)
3. get repatriated to ANOTHER country (which means you leave, and start anew)
4. get an offer to work for another company (which means now you see what happens next - move or stay)
5. resignation or retirement (you choose what to do next).
In the one and a half years I have been in Shanghai as an expat wife, I have seen families come and go or stay under any one of those five conditions. We ourselves are now at a juncture whereby we too will face that question. What's next? Hubby's contract will end soon. The current company has not offered to extend. Even if it does, will we?
With this kind of uncertainty, it's hard. There is so much to think about, to plan. And everything affects everyone, the husband, the wife, the children.
How do I feel? On the one hand, I am worried and afraid. On the other hand, I look forward to whatever comes my way.
I just hope, and pray, that wherever we are, whatever we do, my family will stay together, and we will trust God to lead us.
1. an extension of the contract (which means, you stay for another ?? years)
2. get repatriated back to home country (which means you leave for home)
3. get repatriated to ANOTHER country (which means you leave, and start anew)
4. get an offer to work for another company (which means now you see what happens next - move or stay)
5. resignation or retirement (you choose what to do next).
In the one and a half years I have been in Shanghai as an expat wife, I have seen families come and go or stay under any one of those five conditions. We ourselves are now at a juncture whereby we too will face that question. What's next? Hubby's contract will end soon. The current company has not offered to extend. Even if it does, will we?
With this kind of uncertainty, it's hard. There is so much to think about, to plan. And everything affects everyone, the husband, the wife, the children.
How do I feel? On the one hand, I am worried and afraid. On the other hand, I look forward to whatever comes my way.
I just hope, and pray, that wherever we are, whatever we do, my family will stay together, and we will trust God to lead us.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Home and back
From my last post, it has been about 4 months. I have pretty much abandoned this blog, I guess, mainly because I didn't have anything I wanted to write. I lost the desire to write after a while. And I got busy too. But I am reluctant to totally abandon this blog. So here I am.
In February, for the CNY, we went home. It was for 11 days. 11 days sounds like a lot, but in reality, those 11 days passed by so fast that I wished we had more time back home. There were so many people I wanted to meet, so many things I wanted to do, so much food I wanted to eat. Too bad, perhaps during summer, then.
Back home, we basically managed to meet up with some relatives by going on our usual CNY rounds of visits. I guess I have begun to realise that if we don't visit some of these relatives, we might not see them again the next CNY. Life is that fragile.
Most importantly, I guess, being home meant we got to spend some time with mum. It must have been so hard for her being alone for the 6 months that we had been away. Without the boys around, the house must have surely been very quiet. I guess the good thing is that she has learned to be more sociable and made friends with neighbours.
My most wonderful friend lent us her car for almost the whole duration of our stay. I am so thankful to her and her family for lending us the car for so many days. We would surely have been inconvenienced having to go to so many places and did not have a car. She is definitely much more than "just a friend", someone who is always close to my heart. When over a year ago, I cried at her redeployment, someone asked me why I was so emotional, when she was "just a friend". He probably now realises that she is so much more than that. She is FAMILY. Not the kind you just call family but truly someone who is connected and involved in my life, in our lives.
11 days ... I never thought 11 days could be so short. Now we're back in Shanghai. We've been back for almost 3 weeks, the boys and I. My other half has only been in Shanghai a total of 5 days in the 3 weeks we have been back. He came back later than us, then he went off on another overseas assignment. I have missed him so.
We are back. Life has to go on, and routine works best. So we are back to the grind, for the boys, especially. We are back. But we are not home. Not yet. I don't know if those two words can ever be used interchangeably.
In February, for the CNY, we went home. It was for 11 days. 11 days sounds like a lot, but in reality, those 11 days passed by so fast that I wished we had more time back home. There were so many people I wanted to meet, so many things I wanted to do, so much food I wanted to eat. Too bad, perhaps during summer, then.
Back home, we basically managed to meet up with some relatives by going on our usual CNY rounds of visits. I guess I have begun to realise that if we don't visit some of these relatives, we might not see them again the next CNY. Life is that fragile.
Most importantly, I guess, being home meant we got to spend some time with mum. It must have been so hard for her being alone for the 6 months that we had been away. Without the boys around, the house must have surely been very quiet. I guess the good thing is that she has learned to be more sociable and made friends with neighbours.
My most wonderful friend lent us her car for almost the whole duration of our stay. I am so thankful to her and her family for lending us the car for so many days. We would surely have been inconvenienced having to go to so many places and did not have a car. She is definitely much more than "just a friend", someone who is always close to my heart. When over a year ago, I cried at her redeployment, someone asked me why I was so emotional, when she was "just a friend". He probably now realises that she is so much more than that. She is FAMILY. Not the kind you just call family but truly someone who is connected and involved in my life, in our lives.
11 days ... I never thought 11 days could be so short. Now we're back in Shanghai. We've been back for almost 3 weeks, the boys and I. My other half has only been in Shanghai a total of 5 days in the 3 weeks we have been back. He came back later than us, then he went off on another overseas assignment. I have missed him so.
We are back. Life has to go on, and routine works best. So we are back to the grind, for the boys, especially. We are back. But we are not home. Not yet. I don't know if those two words can ever be used interchangeably.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Failure
What constitutes failure? Is it not the inability to meet expectations? Whoever's expectations. The fear of failure can be so crippling that it causes one to just freeze and not look at the possibility of a light at the end of the tunnel.
Failure is something many people are fearful of. Failure in studies, in exams, in work, in marriage, in fulfilling aims and ambitions. Expectations not being met is not the worst thing in the world.
Whose expectations do we want to meet? For many, it's someone else's expectations. Parents', spouse's, society's, employer's.... the list just goes on. Can we truly meet every expectation? Perhaps. But more often than not, some of these expectations will come to naught and someone is going to be considered a failure, or that person has failed.
It boils down to the values that we hold. That will determine if we see ourselves as having failed or not. Whether the expectations we have are realistic or not, achievable or not.
Someone asked me very recently if it is ok to fail. I thought for a second and said yes. It is okay to fail, provided that every effort has been made to try and make things work. If they don't, even then, perhaps that is not a failure in itself. It's just learning another way NOT to do something.
I don't want to fail. No one does. But someone will, if expectations and values do not come together. I just hope that it won't be too scary.
Failure is something many people are fearful of. Failure in studies, in exams, in work, in marriage, in fulfilling aims and ambitions. Expectations not being met is not the worst thing in the world.
Whose expectations do we want to meet? For many, it's someone else's expectations. Parents', spouse's, society's, employer's.... the list just goes on. Can we truly meet every expectation? Perhaps. But more often than not, some of these expectations will come to naught and someone is going to be considered a failure, or that person has failed.
It boils down to the values that we hold. That will determine if we see ourselves as having failed or not. Whether the expectations we have are realistic or not, achievable or not.
Someone asked me very recently if it is ok to fail. I thought for a second and said yes. It is okay to fail, provided that every effort has been made to try and make things work. If they don't, even then, perhaps that is not a failure in itself. It's just learning another way NOT to do something.
I don't want to fail. No one does. But someone will, if expectations and values do not come together. I just hope that it won't be too scary.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
31st October 2012 - Reflection
Is it end of October already? This marks 2 months and 19 days since we arrived in Shanghai. So much has happened in the last 10 weeks or so, it doesn't feel like it's only been 10 weeks. In a way, it feels like we've been here for half a year. I guess, being busy and just doing all things and meeting so many people, we can't help but feel like we've been here a long time. I mean, for CM it has been 5 and a half months, so it's almost been half a year.
In the last 2 months, things have been hard, with so many things to think about and plan and just plain try to settle. The changes in mood at home have made things hard. It's unbelievable how this vast country can change a person, how it can affect a person to the extremes. I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it personally and experienced it myself.
In the last 2 months, I have felt fear, worry, anger, self-pity and impatience. Not your every day usual feelings, but somewhat to the extreme. I am grateful for the support I have had from various people and they have helped me through those episodes, whether by their prayers or their aptly spoken words and their actions. I still have days when I feel uncertain, when I don't know what I am doing. I would stare at various things in the apartment and wonder what I am doing, what I am going to do, what I plan to cook, where I want to go, etc. Sometimes, all I want to do is just climb back into bed and sleep the day away. So far, I have not succumbed to that. I have been able to get over that feeling of not being ready to face the world. Thank God, indeed.
I cannot plan very far into the future. I am afraid if I do, the plans will come to naught. Right now, all I truly look forward to is the trip home for the Chinese New Year in February 2013. I was so worried that we would not be able to make that trip home because of no tickets or because tickets were very expensive. When the tickets were finally booked, I was so deliriously happy. Just knowing that I will be able to go home and be with people from home made me so happy.
In the meantime, I have to realise that the trip is not going to be for another 3 months and 1 week. Serious! I have no idea how long that period of time in Shanghai is going to feel like. I have been here less than that. And as the weather here becomes colder, as winter draws near, I am worried about our health, about how we are going to handle the cold weather, about how our emotions are going to be as we end up being more house-bound, unable to go out much due to the cold. I can only pray and hope that all of us will be able to go through the next 3 months plus, survive the cold and survive the possible emotional downturn.
I am starting to feel the coldness. One shirt is no longer enough. No more short pants, only longs will do. Jeans do not feel sufficient to protect me from the cold, I will need leggings. My shoes will also not be sufficient. I will need water proof full shoes, probably boots. The children will also need more clothes that suit the weather. I am thankful we have been getting some hand-me-downs from various people. That helps to reduce the number of clothes we have to buy for them. If only I could persuade the man to go and get some clothes for himself!
Well, more reflections to come some time later. In the meantime, I thank God for all He has given to us and done for us.
In the last 2 months, things have been hard, with so many things to think about and plan and just plain try to settle. The changes in mood at home have made things hard. It's unbelievable how this vast country can change a person, how it can affect a person to the extremes. I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it personally and experienced it myself.
In the last 2 months, I have felt fear, worry, anger, self-pity and impatience. Not your every day usual feelings, but somewhat to the extreme. I am grateful for the support I have had from various people and they have helped me through those episodes, whether by their prayers or their aptly spoken words and their actions. I still have days when I feel uncertain, when I don't know what I am doing. I would stare at various things in the apartment and wonder what I am doing, what I am going to do, what I plan to cook, where I want to go, etc. Sometimes, all I want to do is just climb back into bed and sleep the day away. So far, I have not succumbed to that. I have been able to get over that feeling of not being ready to face the world. Thank God, indeed.
I cannot plan very far into the future. I am afraid if I do, the plans will come to naught. Right now, all I truly look forward to is the trip home for the Chinese New Year in February 2013. I was so worried that we would not be able to make that trip home because of no tickets or because tickets were very expensive. When the tickets were finally booked, I was so deliriously happy. Just knowing that I will be able to go home and be with people from home made me so happy.
In the meantime, I have to realise that the trip is not going to be for another 3 months and 1 week. Serious! I have no idea how long that period of time in Shanghai is going to feel like. I have been here less than that. And as the weather here becomes colder, as winter draws near, I am worried about our health, about how we are going to handle the cold weather, about how our emotions are going to be as we end up being more house-bound, unable to go out much due to the cold. I can only pray and hope that all of us will be able to go through the next 3 months plus, survive the cold and survive the possible emotional downturn.
I am starting to feel the coldness. One shirt is no longer enough. No more short pants, only longs will do. Jeans do not feel sufficient to protect me from the cold, I will need leggings. My shoes will also not be sufficient. I will need water proof full shoes, probably boots. The children will also need more clothes that suit the weather. I am thankful we have been getting some hand-me-downs from various people. That helps to reduce the number of clothes we have to buy for them. If only I could persuade the man to go and get some clothes for himself!
Well, more reflections to come some time later. In the meantime, I thank God for all He has given to us and done for us.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Surrendering to God instead - adapted from my FB note
It is so easy to surrender our lives to circumstances, feel
defeated by the hard knocks we receive; but surrendering to God is so
hard to do. We seem to prefer to surrender and cave in under pressure
than to willingly give up our lives, our troubles and our frustrations
to God. Why is that?
Is it because our egos are so big that if we fail, we just want to have the failures attributed to us? Or perhaps we just cannot give over the rein of life to the ONE driver who can get us to our destination safely?
It is so easy when we see others having problems to just say "Leave it to God. Remember Proverbs 3:5,6". Or God will not test you beyond what you can bear. Or what you face is common to man, God always gives you a way out. All these reassuring words, all from the word of God, can work wonders ... but can be very meaningless to the person saying them, because he/she doesn't know what it means to come to the state where one feels like there is no way out, when the point of desperation is so real and overwhelming. These can be just empty words.
So when this person himself/herself comes to the place where those very words can be uttered meaningfully to him/her, these words become empty words - because these words had never held true to him/her before. Because these words were merely words. Now, being on the receiving end of these reassuring and most beautiful words, he/she cannot understand them.
How sad it is then.
Instead of letting those words minister to the heart, some of us would rather let them pass, or escape to some corners of our minds and wallow in self-pity or focus only on ourselves, never on God.
How do we help someone like this?
Is it because our egos are so big that if we fail, we just want to have the failures attributed to us? Or perhaps we just cannot give over the rein of life to the ONE driver who can get us to our destination safely?
It is so easy when we see others having problems to just say "Leave it to God. Remember Proverbs 3:5,6". Or God will not test you beyond what you can bear. Or what you face is common to man, God always gives you a way out. All these reassuring words, all from the word of God, can work wonders ... but can be very meaningless to the person saying them, because he/she doesn't know what it means to come to the state where one feels like there is no way out, when the point of desperation is so real and overwhelming. These can be just empty words.
So when this person himself/herself comes to the place where those very words can be uttered meaningfully to him/her, these words become empty words - because these words had never held true to him/her before. Because these words were merely words. Now, being on the receiving end of these reassuring and most beautiful words, he/she cannot understand them.
How sad it is then.
Instead of letting those words minister to the heart, some of us would rather let them pass, or escape to some corners of our minds and wallow in self-pity or focus only on ourselves, never on God.
How do we help someone like this?
Friday, September 28, 2012
Being satisfied - replicated from my fb page
My husband once
commented to me, way back before we even got married, that he didn't
think I was ever going to be a domesticated woman. He didn't think I
would be happy being home-bound or that I would be very motherly. Was I
insulted? Yes. But I let it pass as I didn't think I was going to be
that domesticated anyway. To me, I was going to be a working wife and
mother. I never thought the day would come when I would be a housewife.
Well, I am a housewife now. My primary duties have to do with the needs of my family. I do not go out to work, nor do I earn a living for now. I should be unhappy (probably according to some people). But I am not. I am feeling contented as a wife and mother. Perhaps knowing this might not be a permanent arrangement helps.
My daily duties revolve around getting the kids ready for school, preparing snacks or lunch for them to bring to school; doing the laundry, doing some light cleaning, shopping for groceries and cooking. I am learning to enjoy doing all of these. Yes I still wake up early in the morning. Earlier than I usually wake up to go to work. I get busy from then until the kids and hubs leave for school/work. Then my life slows down to a pace that most people will envy. I can have a leisurely breakfast on my own, or I can start taking things out from the freezer to thaw, or do the laundry, or just sit and watch TV, or read, or get on the computer to chat with friends, or get on fb.... the list goes on. I have spent most mornings-afternoons either going out with new friends, or attending bible study, or just have a leisurely morning-afternoon doing next to nothing if I like. There is no rush. There is no one to rush me. There is no deadline to meet. There is no real necessity to do anything urgently.
I am learning Mandarin. I have had some classes and am learning to speak better, widening my vocabulary somewhat, and also learning to recognise the Chinese characters so that I can at least read some rudimentary words. My tutor is quite happy with my progress. I am happy with my progress.
Here, I do not have really nice clothes. I did not bring most of my nicer clothes. I have mainly t-shirts and pants/jeans. I only have 2 dresses and 1 skirt, and a few shirts. I didn't even bring shorts so I had to buy a few pairs. I have only one pair of sneakers (which is already falling apart) and slippers, and 3 pairs of shoes. I carry one handbag most of the time, sometimes I don't even carry a handbag but my canvas carry-all bag. In my bag, there is usually an umbrella (in case it rains) and at least one shopping bag should I decide I need to go and buy things.
My life is really simple. I don't have a lot of wants now. I am just satisfied being who I am. And I am counting my blessings.
Well, I am a housewife now. My primary duties have to do with the needs of my family. I do not go out to work, nor do I earn a living for now. I should be unhappy (probably according to some people). But I am not. I am feeling contented as a wife and mother. Perhaps knowing this might not be a permanent arrangement helps.
My daily duties revolve around getting the kids ready for school, preparing snacks or lunch for them to bring to school; doing the laundry, doing some light cleaning, shopping for groceries and cooking. I am learning to enjoy doing all of these. Yes I still wake up early in the morning. Earlier than I usually wake up to go to work. I get busy from then until the kids and hubs leave for school/work. Then my life slows down to a pace that most people will envy. I can have a leisurely breakfast on my own, or I can start taking things out from the freezer to thaw, or do the laundry, or just sit and watch TV, or read, or get on the computer to chat with friends, or get on fb.... the list goes on. I have spent most mornings-afternoons either going out with new friends, or attending bible study, or just have a leisurely morning-afternoon doing next to nothing if I like. There is no rush. There is no one to rush me. There is no deadline to meet. There is no real necessity to do anything urgently.
I am learning Mandarin. I have had some classes and am learning to speak better, widening my vocabulary somewhat, and also learning to recognise the Chinese characters so that I can at least read some rudimentary words. My tutor is quite happy with my progress. I am happy with my progress.
Here, I do not have really nice clothes. I did not bring most of my nicer clothes. I have mainly t-shirts and pants/jeans. I only have 2 dresses and 1 skirt, and a few shirts. I didn't even bring shorts so I had to buy a few pairs. I have only one pair of sneakers (which is already falling apart) and slippers, and 3 pairs of shoes. I carry one handbag most of the time, sometimes I don't even carry a handbag but my canvas carry-all bag. In my bag, there is usually an umbrella (in case it rains) and at least one shopping bag should I decide I need to go and buy things.
My life is really simple. I don't have a lot of wants now. I am just satisfied being who I am. And I am counting my blessings.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Being Patriotic in a Land Faraway
It is Malaysia's 55th Independence Day. And I am not in Malaysia to celebrate Merdeka for the first time. The days leading to today have been reminders why I am Malaysian first and Chinese (descent) second. I am so Malaysian that when I am in China, I do not associate myself with people of the same kind with me, orientals, Chinese. I have a different kind of mentality due to different upbringing. I might look the same. But I am not. I am Malaysian. Everything I do and say, and think, is Malaysian. Much as I complain about the country of my birth, I love Malaysia, nevertheless. Will be posting more later, after I come back from a Merdeka celebration lunch.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Hope
The last post was about fear. This post is about hope, the hope I have for the next 2 years. The hope that I see at the end of a short tunnel of uncertainty.
The last one week, I can only say I saw how God moved in our lives and how He is arranging so many things for us so that our time in Shanghai can be more positive. Actually not just the last one week but the last 8-10 months.
We can begin with the fact that James was placed in Shanghai to work since Nov last year. It'sas if his being in Shanghai is a preparation for our relocation.
Then James and Sandy introduced me to Lay Ming and in March I came here and stayed with her for the whole week, learning about Shanghai and preparing to move. Of course, she, in turn, blessed me in many other ways.
We are also blessed that the job came with a package for the children's education. It is not cheap studying in an international school. So we can ill afford it. But since it comes with education for all 3 boys, we have assurance that things will be ok for them. Even the transport to school is covered.
In May when we came, we were blessed to have a relocation agent who understood what we needed. We found our apartment without much of a hassle. When we had to pay upfront a lot of money for rental and deposit, and a whole lot of other things, James was here to lend us the money because we just didn't have so much cash with us. I almost wanted to cry then, but thank God for how things have turned out. God indeed will make a way.
Now that we are here, I have been blessed with "chance" encounters with wonderful people. We met families in the church we visited and connected with a cell group. I have been put in touch with a fellow Malaysian parent in YCIS. And she has shared a lot of things with me, and she is Christian too,
So yes ... I am convinced that God has been watching over us and guiding us. He has been opening doors and shutting some other doors for us. I hope and pray that we will be able to fulfill the reason why we are here. Just want to pray that CM will be strong and persevere in his work.
The last one week, I can only say I saw how God moved in our lives and how He is arranging so many things for us so that our time in Shanghai can be more positive. Actually not just the last one week but the last 8-10 months.
We can begin with the fact that James was placed in Shanghai to work since Nov last year. It'sas if his being in Shanghai is a preparation for our relocation.
Then James and Sandy introduced me to Lay Ming and in March I came here and stayed with her for the whole week, learning about Shanghai and preparing to move. Of course, she, in turn, blessed me in many other ways.
We are also blessed that the job came with a package for the children's education. It is not cheap studying in an international school. So we can ill afford it. But since it comes with education for all 3 boys, we have assurance that things will be ok for them. Even the transport to school is covered.
In May when we came, we were blessed to have a relocation agent who understood what we needed. We found our apartment without much of a hassle. When we had to pay upfront a lot of money for rental and deposit, and a whole lot of other things, James was here to lend us the money because we just didn't have so much cash with us. I almost wanted to cry then, but thank God for how things have turned out. God indeed will make a way.
Now that we are here, I have been blessed with "chance" encounters with wonderful people. We met families in the church we visited and connected with a cell group. I have been put in touch with a fellow Malaysian parent in YCIS. And she has shared a lot of things with me, and she is Christian too,
So yes ... I am convinced that God has been watching over us and guiding us. He has been opening doors and shutting some other doors for us. I hope and pray that we will be able to fulfill the reason why we are here. Just want to pray that CM will be strong and persevere in his work.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Fear
We have moved to Shanghai for 2 weeks now. And in these two weeks, we have been trying to adjust to various things here. It hasn't been all that easy but it has not been that hard either. I am grateful for having made the trip to Shanghai twice before the move.
Well, this new post is about fear. It's fear that I do not usually have. It's fear that is as alien to me as I am an alien in China, the land my forefathers come from.
My first fear stems from the fact that hubs has started travelling and he has left for Japan and will be going to other countries in the next two weeks. The boys and I are now left on our own and it is scary. We have only been here for 2 weeks and Jon & Jeremy have just started school. And Joel is about to start school. There are so many things that need my attention, not just the mundane every day things. I am afraid that I cannot handle things or make decisions.
But I know that with my God, I can do all things. I know that if I have Him on my side, who can be against me. I take comfort in that.
My second fear is the unknown. Since last night I had been agonising over the possibility of a typhoon hitting Shanghai. I was afraid, in case untoward things happen. I was afraid if the boys suddenly had to be taken home before school was over. I was afraid in case accidents happened. And I was supposed to meet up with a friend and I was afraid in case the weather took a turn for the worse and we couldn't go home.
So far the weather has held and there is no typhoon in sight. But it might be a rainy evening / night. I don't know. I was afraid because I have never encountered severe weather before.
But I am reminded once again that we are being watched over by none other than God Himself and I should not have to be afraid. Even if hubs is not here. We will be fine.
Well, this new post is about fear. It's fear that I do not usually have. It's fear that is as alien to me as I am an alien in China, the land my forefathers come from.
My first fear stems from the fact that hubs has started travelling and he has left for Japan and will be going to other countries in the next two weeks. The boys and I are now left on our own and it is scary. We have only been here for 2 weeks and Jon & Jeremy have just started school. And Joel is about to start school. There are so many things that need my attention, not just the mundane every day things. I am afraid that I cannot handle things or make decisions.
But I know that with my God, I can do all things. I know that if I have Him on my side, who can be against me. I take comfort in that.
My second fear is the unknown. Since last night I had been agonising over the possibility of a typhoon hitting Shanghai. I was afraid, in case untoward things happen. I was afraid if the boys suddenly had to be taken home before school was over. I was afraid in case accidents happened. And I was supposed to meet up with a friend and I was afraid in case the weather took a turn for the worse and we couldn't go home.
So far the weather has held and there is no typhoon in sight. But it might be a rainy evening / night. I don't know. I was afraid because I have never encountered severe weather before.
But I am reminded once again that we are being watched over by none other than God Himself and I should not have to be afraid. Even if hubs is not here. We will be fine.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Shanghai - our new home
This is 21st August, and we have just gone to YCIS Regency Park to sort out some things.
My two older boys are getting ready for their first day in school. They woke up real early to get ready.
Waiting for the bus outside the compound.
Here's the school bus! Buckle up and get ready to leave.
How do I feel about everything? I am scared. I am worried that I will not be able to manage the children and their schedule. I am afraid that money might become an issue as I don't work and I simply dislike asking for money from hubs. I am not sure if I will have friends here.
Thankfully, many things have gone real well. For that, I am grateful to God for overseeing everything for us. We wouldn't have been able to do everything ourselves.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Leaving behind ....
I am going to write this entry is a different manner. I am going to express my feelings about leaving for Shanghai as the countdown begins. At different times I will feel differently. But here's the first :
16 May 2012
I feel a reluctance to leave. It is with a heavy heart that I leave knowing that I am, to a certain extent, abandoning a lot of people I care for. Foremost would be the students. I feel sad and guilty about leaving them just when they need me the most. I am afraid that I will not be able to complete what I need to do and they will have to face their exams without me. Truly I have been feeling like I am abandoning them. Much as I know that I do not have much of a choice, that my family comes first, I cannot help feeling guilty about it.
The form 3s are probably the easiest as they would be almost having their trial exams when I leave. The form 5s do not really need me that much but I wish I have a bit more time to teach them. I don't think I have done a very good job this year. The focus is just not there. The form 5 lit girls are the ones I worry about the most. They are the ones I still need to coach and guide. I guess I worry more about them also because no one else will do the job for me whereas the other classes will be taken care of.
The form 5 lit girls are in need of more guidance. I have not been as close to them as I was with last year's batch. I have not spent 2 years with them as I did with the previous batch. But I do love them, in spite of the frustrations I have had with them especially due to the production of "Holes". And I am not sure how things will be for them when I leave. Can I just push them to Sibyl and ask them to take classes with her for the last bit, that last lap? It is not fair on them, neither is it fair on Sibyl. So I don't know what to do.
27 June 2012
It has been over a month since I wrote the above. In the last month or so, I have had so many ups and downs that I just cannot really express my emotions. I have been sneaky and plotting with the girls to help them out. Yes they will be hijacked and my shadow will not have their cooperation. It is for their own good.
I was feeling very reluctant also to leave the cheer girls. But since I have to go, I am leaving them, And I am happy to say that I think they are ready to go on without me. It will not be the easiest thing to do but they will be fine. Better than I had dared to hope. Winning 3rd place for Cheer 2012 was the best gift ever, a fitting farewell for me. And that, hopefully, will give them the drive to strive for greater heights. I feel less sad to leave them.
23rd July 2012
I am slowly distancing myself from some people. Especially D*starz girls. I am not sure I can quit them cold turkey. So I am leaving them behind slowly. Bit by bit.
I am also starting to feel the anxiety of the fact that I will be in Shanghai, starting a new life with my family, in less than 3 weeks. It is scary although something which can be exciting. I am not sure how well I can be a housewife.
16 May 2012
I feel a reluctance to leave. It is with a heavy heart that I leave knowing that I am, to a certain extent, abandoning a lot of people I care for. Foremost would be the students. I feel sad and guilty about leaving them just when they need me the most. I am afraid that I will not be able to complete what I need to do and they will have to face their exams without me. Truly I have been feeling like I am abandoning them. Much as I know that I do not have much of a choice, that my family comes first, I cannot help feeling guilty about it.
The form 3s are probably the easiest as they would be almost having their trial exams when I leave. The form 5s do not really need me that much but I wish I have a bit more time to teach them. I don't think I have done a very good job this year. The focus is just not there. The form 5 lit girls are the ones I worry about the most. They are the ones I still need to coach and guide. I guess I worry more about them also because no one else will do the job for me whereas the other classes will be taken care of.
The form 5 lit girls are in need of more guidance. I have not been as close to them as I was with last year's batch. I have not spent 2 years with them as I did with the previous batch. But I do love them, in spite of the frustrations I have had with them especially due to the production of "Holes". And I am not sure how things will be for them when I leave. Can I just push them to Sibyl and ask them to take classes with her for the last bit, that last lap? It is not fair on them, neither is it fair on Sibyl. So I don't know what to do.
27 June 2012
It has been over a month since I wrote the above. In the last month or so, I have had so many ups and downs that I just cannot really express my emotions. I have been sneaky and plotting with the girls to help them out. Yes they will be hijacked and my shadow will not have their cooperation. It is for their own good.
I was feeling very reluctant also to leave the cheer girls. But since I have to go, I am leaving them, And I am happy to say that I think they are ready to go on without me. It will not be the easiest thing to do but they will be fine. Better than I had dared to hope. Winning 3rd place for Cheer 2012 was the best gift ever, a fitting farewell for me. And that, hopefully, will give them the drive to strive for greater heights. I feel less sad to leave them.
23rd July 2012
I am slowly distancing myself from some people. Especially D*starz girls. I am not sure I can quit them cold turkey. So I am leaving them behind slowly. Bit by bit.
I am also starting to feel the anxiety of the fact that I will be in Shanghai, starting a new life with my family, in less than 3 weeks. It is scary although something which can be exciting. I am not sure how well I can be a housewife.
Second day I am on leave
It's been 2 days. I have been on unpaid leave for 2 days. I have been busy. I cannot see myself leaving when I still have so much to do.
I am no longer teaching. But I am meeting so many people. It's unbelievable. I have been meeting former students, former classmates, former schoolmates, former unimates, former colleagues, friends I have not met for a long while. I have been making time to see as many people as I can. It's crazy. But I know if I don't meet with them, I will regret it for a long time.
I have been receiving lots of affirmations from people who know me, about the work that I have done in school. I am thankful for them. Honestly, this is something no money can buy. Knowing that I have a place in the hearts of many people, nothing beats that. And I have been receiving gifts and cards and letters which have touched me to the core. Especially the cards and letters that contain some very sweet words from my students. I will keep all of them and one day I will read them all again.
In the meantime, I have been dragging my feet with some things I need to do. I still have to mark the Lit trial papers. I still have to clear my place in school. I still have to see to settling my housing loan. I still have to get people to view my Honda Stream which will be sold. I have yet to seriously pack. Yes I am seriously dragging my feet. I guess part of me is still not ready to leave. I mean, most of me is ready to go. It's just a small part of me that's not quite ready. I wonder if this is what most people who have to leave for somewhere new feel.
Hubs is coming back soon. I have missed him. Then soon, we will fly off.
I am no longer teaching. But I am meeting so many people. It's unbelievable. I have been meeting former students, former classmates, former schoolmates, former unimates, former colleagues, friends I have not met for a long while. I have been making time to see as many people as I can. It's crazy. But I know if I don't meet with them, I will regret it for a long time.
I have been receiving lots of affirmations from people who know me, about the work that I have done in school. I am thankful for them. Honestly, this is something no money can buy. Knowing that I have a place in the hearts of many people, nothing beats that. And I have been receiving gifts and cards and letters which have touched me to the core. Especially the cards and letters that contain some very sweet words from my students. I will keep all of them and one day I will read them all again.
In the meantime, I have been dragging my feet with some things I need to do. I still have to mark the Lit trial papers. I still have to clear my place in school. I still have to see to settling my housing loan. I still have to get people to view my Honda Stream which will be sold. I have yet to seriously pack. Yes I am seriously dragging my feet. I guess part of me is still not ready to leave. I mean, most of me is ready to go. It's just a small part of me that's not quite ready. I wonder if this is what most people who have to leave for somewhere new feel.
Hubs is coming back soon. I have missed him. Then soon, we will fly off.
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