My life is no longer my own!

My first steamboat at home

2012-01-22T20:44:00.004+08:00

It is the night before CNY 2012. Spent most of today getting things ready for the steamboat. It was not much of a bother. Just had to boil the soup and then cut a few things. Cleaned up some of the things we were going to throw into the steamboat pot too. Not too bad. Just wished I has made less soup with the bones, then it would have tasted even better. But since I had made the 2 pots of soup, I have lots of leftover soup, as well as leftover fishballs. Tomorrow we will have noodles in soup!!!
Tomorrow we will all be going on our CNY rounds. The usual - visits to relatives. I'm wondering if next year I will be doing the same.

Anticipating the CNY

2012-01-19T00:06:00.002+08:00

I have not quite caught the bug for the CNY celebration yet. But I am trying .... Started last Saturday with some shopping for things we need to bring on those obligatory visits. Today I bought clothes. Next ... shoes? Do my hair? Nails? I don't know what I have time to do. I have not even bought things for the children yet. But I'm at least planning for the reunion dinner. Not that there is any reunion as it's just us. We'll see.

Time for a new start

2012-01-16T18:57:00.002+08:00

Reality : Some things have to be left behind. The past is the past. I cannot bring it back.
Reality : Someone new is going to take over. Be it someone from the outside or from the inside.
So what do I do about it? Nothing much. There is nothing I can do to change things. But that does not mean I will sit quietly and take things thrown to me and at me and wait for things to happen. For a long time I was a relatively quiet person. I was happy and contented to let others make decisions and do the fighting if there is a fight.
For a long time I allowed myself to be comfortable amidst all the work and busy life I have. I could do with less work but ... I knew I could cope, most of the time.
But that time has ended. I do not believe in the way some things are happening. I don't believe in the way some people are doing things. And I don't believe in keeping quiet about things anymore. I can be a wonderful ally. But no, some people are so threatened that I have become their antagonist. Fine! Then I shall be antagonistic. Not because I am, by nature, antagonistic. But because I will stand for what I think is fair, I will not allow myself to be swept by the currents of narcissism. I will not be party to the plot to turn this into something unrecognisable. Do I worry about repercussion? Yes, a little. But I am not going to let that turn me into a coward.
It is time for a new start.

Toxicity

2012-01-13T18:47:00.002+08:00

I have come to discover that there are plenty of toxic human beings around. You wouldn't believe it of them. I was fooled for a long period of time. I was led to believe that they would never be the toxic kind. How wrong I was! So many people were fooled, and are still fooled.
It is sad when you find out that people around you are insincere and not what they seem. You become wary of the things that proceed from their mouths and you wonder if any good they do has an ulterior motive. You question and you hesitate to accept their words and actions. This is no way to have a relationship of any kind.
It is doubly sad when one of these people turn out to be your so-called friend. Sometimes you would want to believe that it is not true, that it is just a circumstance that seem bad. Sometimes you would think, perhaps I misunderstood the whole situation. And then your so-called friend went and proved that you were right in the first place. No need to doubt anymore.
And I find this extremely sad.

ONE STEP CLOSER TO GOODBYE

2012-01-11T18:08:00.002+08:00

I have been told I am one step closer to another goodbye. I am not looking forward to it, but it may be inevitable. It is a goodbye I don't hope will happen but it is likely to. I don't know when it'll happen but it's there.

Being professional

2012-01-03T00:54:00.002+08:00

I don't understand how some people can be so unprofessional that they get rid of effective staff just because they are not secure in the position they are in. It is a sad thing when someone who claims to be a professional allows personal grudges or envy or insecurities to break up a good team. Are such people so threatened that they become such small people?
Well, they will eventually learn, to their own peril, that breaking up a good team only spoils things and destroys whatever teamwork that some have worked so hard to achieve. We shall wait and see how things will turn out.

Jitters and Shivers

2011-12-31T17:18:00.003+08:00

Less than 7 hours to go. 2012 will arrive in a little over 6 hours. I am afraid. I am feeling more than jitters. The fear of what will come is almost overwhelming me. I honestly don't know how I am going to face 2012 other than by HIS strength. After the staff meeting, I am told my duty in 2012 will be heavy duty. I am really afraid that I cannot handle the work. I don't know if I can manage. I hope I can and will .... Help me, LORD!

Venting

2011-12-29T22:09:00.001+08:00

Just because I usually play computer games, it doesn't mean that when I switch on the computer, it is to PLAY! I do LOTS of serious things on the computer. Please respect that.

The countdown begins

2011-12-27T21:23:00.002+08:00

In less than 4 days really, the year 2012 will be upon us. As usual, I am not one for resolutions much. I just aspire to be better. No specifics. No point having those specifics when I know I will eventually disregard them.
2012 is going to be another challenging year. Many changes in my life are in the works. I am not sure I am prepared for all the changes. All I know is that, ready or not, I will come to the bridge and I will have to cross it.
In the work front, I have lost the best ever panel head to work for and work with. We were not just colleagues, but we were genuinely friends, partners in crime and also a sister to the other, the sister neither of us ever had. Much as I mourn losing her in the workplace, she is not lost to me as we are still friends and will continue to be buddies. But it will be tough working without her.
In a sense, because she has left, a domino effect will be seen in the workplace. I will walk in her shoes sometimes. Big shoes those. I have more responsibilities in any area that she used to work in. And people assume that, because I am with her often, I know what she does / has done, and therefore, can just fill in the blanks ... the void she has left. I already know some of the things I will end up doing. Not happy but .... work is work. And I will treat it as such - work.
In the home front - Joel is going to school soon. He will join his brothers in primary school. I am worried and nervous for him. I don't know if he will manage. I hope he does. I hope he will not be overly affected by the difference between kindy and primary school.
On top of that, another big change seems to be in the offing. Not sure if it will work out. If it does, I will have extra headaches. One person's decision and change affects the rest of us. I'm just waiting to see how things work out. Taking it one day at a time. If I think too much, I may go crazy with worry.
Am I looking forward to 2012? I am not sure. Perhaps I am. But like everything in life, it is the fear of the unknown that seems to spoil it for me.
So I will walk with my head up high tomorrow when I attend the first staff meeting. I will do my very best because I know it's what I'm supposed to do. But I will have to prepare. Prepare for the possibilities in the future. Bring it on, 2012!

This is what she will do

2011-12-20T12:29:00.002+08:00

I will not make this into a "remember her" thing as if I will never see her again.
Instead, I want to think of all the good she will bring to her new place.
She will bring a dynamism that they will need. They will soon realise how work can be more than just work when you do something with passion and love. They will see how she exudes dynamics among people and especially the students she will come into contact with.
She will bring a work culture that puts many to shame. Although she keeps saying she wants to stay under the radar, she will not be able to do so. She is a salt and light of the earth although she either doesn't know it or denies it. She will be a beacon of light to those students and she will bring them to greater heights.
She will have a close relationship with people around her, she will make people laugh with her and cry with her. She will cause others to look at themselves and ask if they have done the best they could. She will ask people to think about things outside of their comfort zone, think out of the box, think and weigh the issues and make wise choices.
She will care for the new students she will teach, she will ask them to lay bare their souls as they explore many things together. In the process, she will also open up herself to them.
She will do the best she can to convince those she teaches that they are better than they can ever imagine. She will allow them to go much farther than anyone has ever ventured. She will keep a close eye on them in the meantime.
She will prove that a teacher makes a difference in whatever she is thrown in. She will bring up the group she will be associated with. She will encourage them to grow and to always improve.
All these and more, she will do. And for that, I wish her all the best and I envy those whose lives she will touch. Thanks for doing all those and more in the 7 years you have been here. Yes, it is time for you to touch more lives. Continue to be the salt and light that many need. Just remember us once in a while, and make time to meet up. I am honoured to have been and always will be your friend.

Just being sad, and I know I am allowed to be sad

2011-12-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

My dearest friend ... I might be or not be the closest friend to you. But you know, the effect you have in my life is not something I can just sum up in a sentence or even a short essay. I am not even going to try. When you came in mid 2004, who knew we would strike up a friendship like ours? We will still be friends. But knowing that I will go to work every day and not see you next to me, turning around to look for you and you're not there, trying to figure out something and you're not there to discuss or even argue with me ... is more than I can bear at this moment. We are so different and yet so alike. We are so alike and yet so different.
The few years of just being colleagues and friends were wonderful ones. And the last few years of working with you as my "boss" have been wonderful years. I have enjoyed doing my work because you were there to guide me. Somehow you brought out the best in me. It's a strange phenomenon. I hope I have been there for you in some ways too.
We were like a pair of Siamese twins which are NOT conjoined. I shall remember how our colleagues used to call me by your name and you by my name. It was funny and yet it was a sign. LOL.
Yes I am sad. I am allowed to be sad. I will miss being your sidekick. I will miss the sister I never had.
But I also know the friendship we have formed is not so easily broken. I know you will still be my wonderful friend. And I know that where you will be, you will also do a great job and you will be a blessing to those you teach and work with. In that manner, I am happy for you. But I am sad for me. For those of us who have been happily working under you and with you. Allow us to feel the sadness because of the void you will leave.
My friend, it just won't be the same.

It is over

2011-12-05T22:34:00.003+08:00

My Lit in English girls have sat for their SPM paper for the subject. It is over. Now, I wait and see what results they have. And whether I have done a sufficient job with them. Just as they were nervous, I was too. I was worried that I had not done enough for them, that I had not guided them in the right direction. I was thinking to myself over the weekend that if they don't do well, I might not want to teach Lit anymore. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. But I know my girls are good students. They will do quite well, most of them.

Busy first week

2011-11-27T21:53:00.002+08:00

The first week of the holidays is over. It has been a rather full and busy week. I started by going to school and cleaning up my table and finishing up some editing work for a school project. Those two tasks took up 2 days. Much as I dislike going back to school or doing school work during holidays, I am glad I took time to do the necessary.
Then another day was spent at UMMC trying to get an appointment to do a mammogram, which turned into a rather exasperating effort. I didn't get a mammogram done but had an appointment made for March NEXT YEAR!
Then I took my kids out for a movie, Happy Feet 2, and a nice lunch. We bumped into Jeremy, the radio DJ from Red.fm. That was a thrill for my boys, especially Jeremy.
On another day, I drove Jonathan to church to meet up with other campers who were going to Broga for a camp. Then I took my two other boys for grocery shopping, and bumped into Aznil Nawawi, who hosts a children's educational show. My boys were beyond thrilled to have met "Abang Aznil".
On Saturday, my family, minus Jonathan, went to Kuala Pilah. We had a picnic at the Ulu Bendul Recreation Park, then we went to Shemariah Home and spent time with the children there. On the way back, we had dinner in Seremban.
Today, I welcomed Jonathan home from camp. He had a great time and I'm sure he was really glad to have gone for the trip. Cousin Su Ming came by and we went out for tea, and we chatted a lot. It was good to see her.
So that was pretty much how I spent the first week. Next week will be as busy, if not busier.

One more day

2011-11-18T00:34:00.002+08:00

It is only one more day before the school holiday officially begins. And yet, there is so much more work I need to complete. In part it is due to the fact that I have been dragging my feet when some work had to be done. In part it is also due to the fact that I have more work to do and one project basically needs to be completed by end of the month if possible.
There are numerous tasks which I need done during this holiday and I need to refocus on my family now. I have to make appointments for Joel's re-evaluation. I have to buy books for my boys. I have to go and have my own medical check-up. I have to clean up my house, especially my room.
So many things to do. I don't even know where to start. Help!

Feeling the jitters

2011-11-05T01:14:00.003+08:00

Just as my Lit girls are preparing for their SPM soon, I am feeling jitters. I am experiencing self-doubt. I am not confident I have done sufficient to help them ace the Lit paper. I am afraid for them, and I am afraid for me. I am not sure what else I can do for now. All I know is this : just as they are nervous, so am I. And I don't like this feeling. It is scary. I hope and I pray I have done the necessary, and whatever else I do, the girls will benefit greatly.

Our ego

2011-11-04T19:52:00.003+08:00

This is not so much about ego. But about how, due to it (my ego), I do feel hurt by things that go on around me. There have been times when I rejoiced over good things that have happened to good people, to people who deserved to receive praises, gifts, rewards, well, good things. Yes, how can one not be happy for them. I know I was.
But I also know that behind the gladness, I have also been envious or upset even. Much as I know it is wrong, much as I try to deny it, I know I felt it. That tinge of sadness. That sharp pain somewhere in my heart. So I shall not deny it any longer. I, the picture of happiness outwardly (and I was genuinely happy), died a little inside when good things happened to good people, and that good person was not me.
I cannot deny my humanity. I cannot deny that much as I am happy for others, I sometimes wish it was me on the receiving end.
I am not jealous in the sense that some people received good things, especially the deserving ones. It's just that my ego is bruised knowing it was not me. It is nice when people are appreciated. I have been on the receiving end, yes. I have probably been the object of envy myself.
I know I am over-analysing, but I am just saying .... I do have that ego bruised from time to time. It is wrong of me to feel this way, perhaps. But I also know I cannot deny it. Some who read this might misinterpret this, I hope not. No one needs to be hurt by this, as I am not wishing bad things on anyone, just acknowledging my weakness and my ego.

The thing that has got most people riled up at the moment

2011-11-03T21:26:00.002+08:00

Perhaps it is not so much the thing rather than the person who has got many people all riled up and ready to stone someone to death. Well, maybe not death.
The issue has been a long standing one, an issue being discussed, protested and debated for the last 2-3 years. The problem is when some people only choose to look at mediocrity and hope that the weak become mediocre. They have forgotten about the advanced group of people who need more than what is being offered. On top of that, they have forgotten about why it was implemented in the first place. Now, after 9 years, it is all going to naught. And the people most affected aren't even old enough to vote. They have no voice in this. The rest of US ... are simply being "gagged" or be regarded as troublemakers or traitors.
But what was most insulting was how the big boss himself used words that insulted everyone's intelligence. As if other people's voices and opinions do not matter. Only his decision is final and worth talking about. This person who has a disease called foot-in-mouthitis really need to get the right advisors and proper image consultants. His popularity and others' respect for him is getting lower by the minute. Good luck for the next few months.

Destroyer of relationships

2011-11-03T00:29:00.002+08:00

Some people just find joy in creating tension and causing relationships/friendships to crumble. My guess is they envy the friendships others have and they themselves can never hope to have the same kind of friendship. It is sad when a person envies and then goes on to destroy.
I just hope that the person/s who have been smiling inwardly with glee will learn that he/she/they cannot win by causing others to lose. What value is it when one wins when in the process one causes others to stumble rather than winning with pride due to personal ability?
In the meantime, a friend needs a hug. Being bombarded with many negative things in one day, starting from early morning was not an easy thing to swallow.

Sloth

2011-10-29T10:44:00.005+08:00

I am being a sloth. The pictures above are of sloths, the real ones. I am being the proverbial sloth. Slow to move, slow to react, slow to do anything. I am perpetually tired and sleepy. I feel like being a koala too. This is partially due to the fact that I have been under the weather. But I am really dragging my feet. If I could sleep 10-12 hours a day, I would. My back aches, my chest hurts, my head feels heavy, my heart is not where it should be. I need something / someone to change me back.

Slipping

2011-10-16T23:53:00.002+08:00

I can feel myself slipping. In more than one ways.
As a wife and mother, I think I am slipping in my sense of responsibility. I think I neglect my loved ones more than I can afford to.
As a teacher, I feel myself becoming less passionate about what I do. Especially in class. I do enjoy teaching still, but the passion is just not as strong anymore. Too much work, perhaps?
As a Christian, my passion for my Lord and Saviour leaves a lot to be desired. I pray He forgives me and bring back that first love to my heart.
I think I am just letting a lot of less important things crowd out parts of my life. It is time I trim some of them away. Problem is am I up to it?

Puteri Gunung Ledang - A Sri Aman Production

2011-09-22T23:41:00.005+08:00

We are fast approaching the day this musical will be staged in the school hall. Although this is a BM production, although I am in no way involved, I am proud to say the presentation will be wonderful. I watched the full dress rehearsal today and I am proud to say that everyone did a splendid job. I am extremely proud of my friends/colleagues who are involved, and I am also very proud of the students who have spent the last 3-4 months practising and working out all the details they are supposed to do.
To the cast and crew, break a leg. You will do splendidly. You will make Sri Aman very proud to have staged this production.

p/s Mr Saw Tiong Hin, the director of PGL the movie as well as a consultant in PGL the musical also attended the full dress rehearsal today, albeit only till half way. He was impressed by what he saw and I felt really proud to hear him say that it was a good job by all.

p/p/s Datin Tiara Jacquelina, who played the legendary princess in both the movie and the musical, was informed about our production. Though she could not come, she was very supportive by posting our poster on her FB page and inviting our cast and crew to Istana Budaya to see how her company produces a musical drama.

Tiga - < 3 ... ???

2011-09-18T21:33:00.001+08:00

Wondering what that was? That's the title of the drama that was put up by Production Club last Thursday. No, I am not part of the club. No, the play was not in English. No, I did not offer to help. But I was involved, nevertheless.
How did that happen? Hmmm, kinda a long story ... well, not that long, but I am not about to blog about it. Bottom line is I was involved as the stage manager. Officially I was the stage manager.
In reality, I think I went beyond the duty of a stage manager. Those who know me will know that I cannot stand by and watch something just fall flat, and not do anything about it. I saw how the whole project seemed ready to collapse. I could not stand it, and I took over, partially. Instead of "just" being the stage manager, I assisted in directing, in making sure props were ready, costume and makeup were complete, made some decisions which I should not have made, but I made them. I screamed at the cast and crew when they did not listen. I scolded people left, right and centre. In short, I almost took over. Why? I could not let it fail. I had to do something. I did what I could with the little time left.
I don't know if some people minded that I bulldozed my way through, but it's too late to mind. The production went .... relatively well. Considering that we had so little time, and having so many issues to solve, we did quite well.
I hope that I never ever have to take over like that again. In 5 days' time, it'll be Puteri Gunung Ledang. I am not involved at all, thankfully. But I know and have faith that it'll be great.

Been over a month

2011-09-06T00:47:00.002+08:00

I have been slacking off. Lazy to update my blog. Too tired after the cheer season was over. August, for me, was a relatively boring month, not so busy but also a change in focus of my work.
The one week break over Hari Raya was a really good time to rest and spend time with my boys. I am very unfair to them most of the time. I'm glad I had the 1 week with them. I did no work, just spend time doing the things I liked and taking my boys out.
Hari Raya visits were aplenty this year. I spent the first day of HR visiting 2 families. The first is my buddy, Puteri's family. It was a good time of yakking with friends there. Then we went to Pn Alainal's house. It was good meeting up with her again after so long. I have missed her so. In the evening we went to Hayani's house. I only took Joel with me, and he had a good time wandering all over the house.
The second day of HR, hubby took Jon and Jeremy to Putrajaya. I took Joel to TM with the maid to visit HER cousin and employer. What a surprise it was! The house is sooooo English. And soooooo big.
Now I am back to work. It will be a busy month for me. Starting with finalising the editorial work, then the drama next week, and Eco Music Fest, and Cheer competition for the houses, and then flying off to Penang for the perkembangan staf.
October will be another busy month. That, I will reserve for the next post.

All about the spirit

2011-08-01T00:41:00.002+08:00

*This is something I wrote in my FB notes last night, well, Saturday night. This is dedicated to team Blitzers from SMK Bandar Utama 4. *

I learned something today. Something about the fighting spirit, the spirit of sportsmanship. Last Sunday, I did not get to watch Blitzers perform as they were just before Baby Starz. I managed to see them start. I didn't know what happened after that. I was told that someone in the team was badly injured during the performance. I left it at that. Then I saw that their position in the final standing was way below expectations. I did not think too much about it. Tonight, I found out why. But instead of feeling sad and sorry for them, I salute this team that has shown such grit and determination. It was in the face of total failure that the team members continued what they had set out to do, to the best of their abilities given the injury mid-way through their routine. They went on with the performance as their injured team member was taken out and later, stretchered out. A team with less determination would have stopped and looked in horror at the incident, and probably cried their eyes out. The result? An incomplete routine which would have placed them last, perhaps? Instead, they did what nobody else had expected. They continued. They did without the injured member. They were shaken but they went on. And they finished their routine. If I had watched then, I would have given them a standing ovation. Instead, I only watched their videos today. I watched the routine which they had planned and practised for months. Then I watched the video of the actual performance during competition. And I cried. My heart went out to the team. But I applauded the team for keeping the faith of the entire school and completed their mission. It must have been so hard for them to just go on. But they did. Everyone else was looking at the injured girl. They just kept on. I have found a new respect for those girls. Kudos! You may not have won the championship, but you have won many hearts!

Target achieved

2011-07-26T00:40:00.002+08:00

Cheer 2011 is over. We competed yesterday and achieved our target. D*starz managed to hold on to top 10 position - we were number 8. Baby starz was able to be 25th and beat a few teams along the way, including Gemz. I have no complaints. At least where their achievements are concerned. Will be taking a break from Cheer for a while. Next to occupy my time will be helping out with the drama by production club.

3 days to go - 2011

2011-07-21T19:00:00.003+08:00

In less than 72 hours, we will know who have done their teams proud and win various prizes in Cheer 2011. In less than 72 hours, my girls will find themselves lost, without a competition to look forward to anymore. In less than 72 hours, I will regain my life, and my children regain their mother. In less than 72 hours, I will suddenly miss those divas who have been occupying so much of my time and energy.
In less than 72 hours, I will find myself ... missing the action.

When is a No not a disobedience?

2011-07-13T08:25:00.005+08:00

When we are told to do something, go somewhere or just plain be something we are not, are we allowed to say NO and not be branded negative or disobedient? Or are we to become the ultimate YES-man / YES-woman before we are considered good or effective? Are we NOT teaching our young to THINK and be CRITICAL about things they see/hear/learn? Are we walking the talk then, if we teach our young to master critical and creative thinking skills but we ourselves do not show that WE have those skills? Is it so wrong to say NO when we know we are not up to it?

Not allowed

2011-07-11T23:28:00.002+08:00

As a civil servant, I am not allowed to utter words of criticism towards the government of the moment. That was what I was told, what we were all told. That caused me more anger and resentment than I could have imagined. I felt like a fool who needed to be reminded to be loyal to my boss.
As a civil servant, I am not allowed to be involved in politics. I have no interest in politics, truth be told. I am not interested in having a hand in the governance of this state and country. But to be told to the face that I am not allowed to do it - that pushed me a little further from what I used to believe in.
As a civil servant, I am not allowed to appear anywhere near public rallies and demonstrations. My boss was told to monitor her staff members and make sure none attended any rallies. As if SHE was allowed to go. What are we being told, honestly?
The whole "not allowed" issue is leaving a very bad taste in my mouth. I am no historian but ...
weren't the forefathers of this country, the ones who fought for independence and the right to govern this country to be returned to the people ... weren't they civil servants? Weren't many of them teachers and academicians?
Misunderstand not. I was not about to attend any rallies. I was not about to try and wrestle people for power. But I hate being told I am not allowed to do this and that and most of all, I hate being told I have no right to wear a certain colour, or use certain words. Have I suddenly lost the basic right to choose my clothing all of a sudden?

Out of blindness you caused me to see

2011-07-09T21:42:00.004+08:00

I felt sad today. Well, not entirely true. I was proud but at the same time, sad.
I was proud to see how some people have let the scales fall from their eyes and see things as they are. I was proud of some people who have shown solidarity amidst tough times. I was proud that some people have restored my faith in what the future might hold.
But I was sad. I was saddened by the lies that are spread around so easily. I was sad that some people do not bat an eye when they lie. And I was sad that many people believe those lies.
To tell the truth, I never did like bringing a cause to the masses. I was never one to go to the streets. I still don't condone it. But that does not mean I do not appreciate what happened today. I shall not say more. Suffice to say that I, too, had scales fall from my eyes.

Commitment Issues

2011-07-01T18:47:00.002+08:00

Seems like it is an annual thing for me to complain about commitment issues among my students. Specifically the cheer leaders. Sometimes it's not about them, but their guardians. But the root of the problem is they themselves. Every year it is a struggle to get this group of girls to understand what commitment means, what it entails and why it is important.
Every year, I have a few girls who just exasperate me to no end. If it is not lack of attendance, it is being tardy, or needing to leave early. Other than that it has to do with finances. Payment of money for coaching, for uniform, tshirts, this and that. It never ends.
It saddens me when I see these girls, who, initially show such potential, slip into the category of people who cannot commit themselves to what they want to do. The saddest thing, of course, is that it affects the entire team. The morale of the team dips. The annoyance among those who DO commit, is apparent. And this breaks up the team.
The other thing that truly annoys me is guardians who cannot understand why their charges' lack of commitment affects other people. Time and again, I have had to stress the importance of team work. I would rather have 12 people who truly commit, than 16 people consisting of 4 dead woods. I have less of a headache.
It is sad. I can see this trend continuing for a long time to come. This boils down to the ME culture. It's all about me, myself and I. This is the culture that is being passed down from those who should know better to those who are impressionable. The other problem is the focus on all things academics. Other types of learning no longer seem to be important. This is SAD.

Belated but better late than never

2011-06-26T21:16:00.003+08:00

21 June 2011 – A friend and I attended “The Sound of Music” held in the KL Convention Centre. Here is my take on the performance :

Actors/Actresses (based on characters) :

Maria : The leading actress did a good job. It was a breath of fresh air to hear her singing the well-known songs that we all seem to know. She was convincing as Maria, a young lady who is finding her way in the convent and was asked to be a governess to 7 children. Her rapport with the 7 children was good. I enjoyed her voice. I enjoyed her seeming lack of confidence with her heart when she realized she was in love.

Captain Von Trapp : Christopher Plummer spoilt it for me. I cannot imagine a Capt VT who is any less severe and serious than Plummer’s version. Not that he did a lousy job. He actually did a good job. I enjoyed his singing, and I thought he looked handsome. But I just could not help thinking that his character lacks the oomph.

Elsa : She was beautiful and sang well. She looked a lot more pleasant than the character in the movie. Unfortunately I feel that her character was underdeveloped.

Max : Max is the family friend of the Von Trapps and Elsa. I do not particularly care for his acting and singing. I don’t know if it is the accent he was trying to fake or his voice that is almost growling. It was not very clear, especially during the first scene he appeared in. It got better along the way.

The children : I cannot have one commentary for every child. But I think the children did a great job overall. I still marvel at how a little child like Gretl (the actress, I mean) was taught and trained to perform in a musical that lasts 3 hours. Their acting and singing were wonderful. I do think, though, that Liesl is a little miscast. Perhaps it has to do with her being very tall and she looked a little gawky. But her singing was good. Everyone was generally good and did a marvelous job.

The stage / props :

The main backdrop is a very high, about 3 storey high backdrop which is used to depict the convent as well as the Von Trapps’ house. I like the fact that they were able to multi-use the backdrop, although at times it looked awkward.

As the convent or abbey, the focus was on the lowest level where the nuns would sing and chant, partially covered. The tree outside worked well as a place Maria would ‘hang out’. The elaborate staircase was used to run up to upper levels of the abbey when the nuns when looking for Maria.

As the Von Trapps’ house, the backdrop worked well as a 3 storey house. The ground level is where they changed the stage into a lounge area, Maria’s room, as well as outside the house. It was a little awkward that the tree was not moved as it was still there when it’s supposed to be inside the house, or even inside the abbey. The staircase was used as the main route to the upstairs rooms, etc.

The stage is actually not very big, hence, the problem of moving things about. I mean, compared to PGL which was held at Istana Budaya, this musical seems to be a little stagnant in terms of movement of props and even the cast members. The stage, though not wide, is very high. So the crew made full use of the height by constructing the 3-storey backdrop. Since they could not move much to the left and right, they moved UP.

The crew members who moved things about, I felt, was a little careless. There was quite a fair amount of noise when they dragged in some of the props in the dark. This could have been minimized with some oiling of the things, especially the heavier ones. That distracted the audience a fair bit.

For this opportunity to attend the opening night of the musical, I thank my dear friend, Rozida. Your misfortune became a blessing and a gift for me.

Anti-semitism, anyone?

2011-06-24T14:11:00.002+08:00

I am not promoting any anti-anything. Just a catchy title in the light of what I saw and heard in school today. To say I was angry would be an understatement. I was ready to start verbal diarrhoea with someone today.
I have never been one to have a very high opinion of all those penceramahs from somewhere else who come in to school to give talks to students or even teachers. All those fellows brought in by the counselling units - I have not had many good experiences listening to them. Most of them, I fear, were just there to earn some money off the school. They were there, wasting time because they had to justify how much they charged the school.
Well, today was no different. Well, maybe a bit different. The speaker today caused me to personally walk over to him and interrupt him and tick him off. That's a first, surely.
Many people wonder where our young children learn to be racist, to make racist comments, to over-generalise that people of a certain heritage are so-and-so. I tell you where. In school. Yes, in school. These people, so-called motivation speakers, so-called people-in-the-know, make untold comments about people of some races / religions / beliefs and say it is true. And they make our young kids think what they say is true.
How a speaker could come to our school hall and claim that all the GEJALA SOSIAL come from the BARAT & ORANG-ORANG YAHUDI is beyond me. How he can claim that KITA ORANG ASIA KAN ADA AGAMA DAN BUDAYA and insinuate that the western world did not, is something I wish I could personally ask him to explain. To claim TAU TAK, ORANG-ORANG YAHUDI NI BENCIKAN ORANG ISLAM, KRISTIAN, HINDU, BUDDHA DAN ADA SATU KONVENSYEN YAHUDI NAK MENGHAPUSKAN SEMUA ORANG NI is just plain unbelievable! I wish I could just call in someone and arrest him for making that kind of comments in front of 400-500 school children. Poisoning the minds of the young. Something that is so obviously biased and reek of racism and anti-semitism should NEVER be allowed in the school grounds.
Those who know me will know how I could not withstand that kind of people and comments. There was only one thing I knew I had to do. I had to undo the damage in one way or another. I marched to the front of the hall, interrupted him and asked him to not make untrue comments like that. He was probably shocked at the audacity of this woman. He insisted that it was not about religion since he said the same thing in a Chinese school the previous day. I told him it was not religion I was talking about. I told him what he said about the Jews were not true (should have said it was a LIE and he was propagating anti-semitic views) and therefore he should refrain from making those comments. All done in front of over 400 students and some colleagues. His response was, YOU RASA ITU TAK BETUL KE? OK TAKPE. I walked off after that. I could not take the smugness (I was told I had a smug look on my face too) from him. Just because he has spoken to many people in many halls and FELDA settlements, SO WHAT?
So I walked off. I refuse to have my blood pressure boil over this kind of people. I called my superior and told her what had happened. She was shocked and said she would go and speak to the man later. Told another superior too after that. She commented I had done the right thing. Most will not bother as we are all so CULTURED and do not like to make comments even when some people are so clearly wrong. Do I feel good about it? No. I wish that kind of comments on the Jews and the West had not come out instead.
It is so easy to blame one kind of people for all the sins and troubles of the world. I hope I don't ever meet this man again, especially if he is speaking to school children.

I am blessed

2011-06-20T21:22:00.002+08:00

In many ways, I am blessed. Even when I complain and murmur about various things, I know that I am blessed. Although I often seem ungrateful when I whinge and whine, I actually am grateful. I have gone through too much to recognise the blessings amidst the tough times.
I am blessed with a family I love. I do not always enjoy them ... especially when I disagree with some of them, or when the kids fight and cause a ruckus, or when everyone takes me for granted (which happens quite frequently). But these people are the ones I will protect with my life.
I am blessed with a home. I am not a house proud person. My house is often in a mess. But it is not so much the house that makes it a home. It is the atmosphere, the feeling of being lived in that makes it a home.
I am blessed with a job, which is often not just a job. It is not a career, yet it is something much more. I am constantly reminded of my role in the lives of many people, of what it means to fulfill that role. I have not done all too well at times, but I don't think I have failed either.
I am blessed with friends and acquaintances who have, at one time or another, given me much joy. I hope they can say the same of me too.
There is much more for which I thank the Lord. And I do not thank Him enough. I need to remind myself daily how blessed I am. And learn to reduce the whinging and whining.

Tiredness

2011-06-18T20:58:00.002+08:00

I am seriously tired. Physically tired as well as mentally and occasionally emotionally tired. Most of the tiredness is due to work, well, not the usual WORK work, but just all the things that need to be done.
For most of the week, starting from after my Chiang Mai trip, it was playing catch up with marking exam papers. Many wondered why I didn't try to finish marking before the trip. Well the answer is simple : I was too busy recovering from the tiredness from the period of preparing exam papers to all sorts of other WORK, and having D*starz compete in the NYD competition in Putrajaya (which we didn't win or get any prizes), then making sure they are okay for the cheer camp they eventually attended, and trying to spend time with my own children. All at the same time I was trying to complete marking my Literature paper.
It was tiring and the trip was something I wanted very much, just so I could GET AWAY from everything : work, responsibilities, and yes, even kids. Just for a few days. I know I sound like a terrible mother, but I needed the trip to get back the ME I seem to be losing. And once I came back, it was almost non-stop work, trying to complete the marking of papers in the fairest of manner. Some people mark really fast. I don't, well, not as fast anymore. I get tired easily. My eyes get watery really fast. And I try not to rush through the marking process so that I am fair to my students. Of course, my children who were on holiday also demanded my attention. How was I to neglect them when I neglect them enough during the school semester itself?
So school has started for a week and I scrambled like a mad woman trying to do everything and complete everything FAST! It didn't help that I now have to work out paper work for Cheer Club / the cheer teams and manage their finances now that cheer season is here.
Tshirts, CHARM membership forms, C3 forms, C3 fees, coaching fees owing, uniform money, claims, transportation issues, being with the girls during practices and competitions .... the list goes on. I have just come back from the SOX competition. I am disappointed that the junior team did not get a better placing. I can only see us ahead of the two new teams from the south. I thought we did better. But then, what do I know? I chose not to know. On one hand I was annoyed the coach did not help to prepare them for this competition. I know he wanted to focus on another competition, but they needed something of a smaller scale as a preparation for bigger competitions. If he had helped with a few things, I know the girls would have had a better placing. (Kayna, if you are reading this, I do not want you to repeat it to you-know-who) Well, it is too late to regret or be upset, so we just have to move on and look forward to the next competitions.
There is so much more of work ... WORK that is coming my way. So much of it is actually paper WORK and I am not looking forward to any of the paper WORK! Least of all is the one that is absolutely unnecessary but some people just want it done.
I am tired. Yes .... and I feel guilty. Because I often place WORK above my family. Not good. Not by choice most of the time but ... it happens.
I am tired. I shall try to rest now.

Chiang Mai

2011-06-08T23:44:00.010+08:00

Thailand is known as a land of beautiful girls and lots of smiles. It is a beautiful country. I have not seen much of it but at least this is the third time I am in Thailand. From 5th to 8th June, I was in Chiang mai with 3 other ladies from my Cell Group. We basically went to have a holiday away from the family. It was a holiday to relax and rejuvenate.
I find Chiang mai different from Bangkok which I visited in 2008. It is also different from Haadyai which I visited in 1993.
Chiang mai, I find, is simpler. The traffic is not as heavy. The place is just different. The people, however, are just as beautiful and as friendly as ever. I encountered some really nice Thai people during those few days.

The photo above is taken from my room window. I was on the 22nd floor. Looking out of this window, we could see the hill that separates Thailand and Myanmar. The mist can be seen surrounding the hill sometimes.
This is Le Meridien Hotel. It is opposite the hotel I was staying in. But it is right outside my other window. Thought I'd take a picture of it.

This is my room. Rather nice actually.

Thought I'd add this photo. It is taken at a quaint cafe called Love at First Bite. Lots of cakes that look simply delicious. Tasted delicious too.
Thailand is a lot about food. This was not the main thing we all ate. We had lots of food. Just no time to upload the appropriate photos. However, I had time to upload these of me and some elephants though.

The naughty elephants (and their mahouts, actually), disturbed me when taking photos. It was a little scary when three elephants used their trunks to "pat" me.

Something impressed me. Their very clean toilets almost everywhere I went. This toilet is at the Elephant Camp. It is sooooooo very clean. Smelled wonderful too, as they used lemon grass aroma oil in the burner. I wonder when Malaysians will have that kind of mentality to keep the public toilets really clean.

I will try to blog about the 3 days we were there. Too tired to recall and blog now. Will update soon.

The long-awaited holiday

2011-05-30T20:28:00.004+08:00

I have been looking forward to this holiday for months. Literally! I am not doing well, with all the work that I have in school, and duties as wife, mother and daughter. It never ends, this sense of responsibility. At least, with the holidays, I don't have to be in school. I can spend a bit more time with the family and also to catch up on the marking of exam papers. And to top that off, God willing, I will go on a holiday with some friends soon.
I think I have been waiting to go away for a holiday, minus the family, for almost 2 years. Last year, we were supposed to go to Cherating. But the plan was cancelled when my maid ran away. Hubby was not going to be able to manage. This year, we decided to plan early and commit to the trip. The last few weeks, especially, I have been thinking of nothing else that I truly looked forward to than this trip. Yes, I will blog about it when I have gone there and returned safely. I hope and pray that the trip will be relaxing and enjoyable.
In the meantime, I still have to go back to school. There is cheer practice. I have to mark my exam papers. This is really taking a long time. I am trying to be thorough but it is time-consuming. And having 5 classes' papers to mark is no joke.
Tomorrow, I am taking my boys for skating and a movie. I am looking forward to it, not as much as they are, but still ... it will be a good break for me. More reason to work hard and mark tonight.